Align With Your Purpose & Create the Life of your DREAMS featuring Bri Ellison

In this podcast episode, Bri and I delve into reasons that could be holding you back from creating the life of your dreams.  You may have read the books, followed the thought leaders, soaked in the wisdom of mindfulness, energetics, and enlightenment.  You may be full of knowledge but yet still searching. 

In this conversation, we discuss why all the knowledge in the world isn't enough.  Why healing and transformation require more than just consuming content.  We illuminate how to shift from seeker, to embodied, whole being.  

Bri Ellison is a Holistic Wellness Coach and Energy Healer dedicated to helping others upgrade their lives. She supports her clients in transforming habits and clearing physical and emotional blocks, empowering them to reconnect with their true selves and experience great vitality, clarity, and purpose.  

As a mother to two beautiful daughters,  finds inspiration and joy in the everyday moments of motherhood.  This sacred journey profoundly reshaped her perspective, infusing her work with deep empathy, intuition, and grounded wisdom. She is your compassionate guide to holistic wellness and personal transformation, helping others align body, mind, and soul though intentional living and energetic healing.  

Connect with Bri: 

Website: BriEllison.com

Instagram: @itsbriellison

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Elevate Your Healing Toolbox with Musical Breathwork 

Gain Access to my Book:  29 Days: The Self-Love Leap 

Become the Sex Goddess That You Are 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 1:19

Welcome back to today's episode of Unapologetic Living. I'm Elizabeth Elliott and I am your hostess and I am excited to share Laura Davison with you. I met Laura through the internet.

UNKNOWN: 1:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 1:38

And I was intrigued by the name of her Instagram handle, which is good girl syndrome coach or the good girl syndrome coach. And I know you are a good girl syndrome coach. Coach. That's right. Yes. And I know that I think many of us can, many women can fall prey to becoming that coach. good girl right and i say in quotes what we're you know all these things that we're supposed to do to be that good girl or be accepted or loved

SPEAKER_00: 2:17

100 yes and guys can get it too it's a good girl syndrome is uh it's kind of a series of traits of behaviors but typically women have kind of have suffered from it more i suppose but guys definitely get it as well so i have coached guys with with those two

SPEAKER_02: 2:35

So before we hear your story, because I like for my guests to share their story, what would, what are some of those traits? So yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 2:47

so there's kind of six key ones. It's like a series of kind of beliefs and behaviors. And it's basically the massive one is people pleasing, perfectionism, weak boundaries, Seeking external validation. So really kind of that permission approval before you make any decisions, anything like that. Overextending yourself, your responsibilities. So always trying to be the fixer and the one's like, I'll do it. Kind of taking everything on for everybody else. And also really the person that kind of suppresses your emotions. So even if you feel like it's not OK, it's like, OK, thank you. And don't. speak up and stand up and say what you actually feel because you're worried it's going to cause trouble or you'll be seen as difficult or seen as you know someone being a rebel or being awkward or whatever and it's it's just that kind of this need to conform I guess that's where people have been really conditioned it's like sit down be quiet say nothing stay in your place don't you know be polite be considerate and it become so self-editing that by the time you're an adult, you don't need the rules anymore. You're just kind of following this old rule book that keeps you so trapped in like a shell of who you really are. And you just kind of, that's what I help my clients with is breaking that rule book and getting out to being back to being who you really are.

SPEAKER_02: 4:19

And that can take some unpacking.

SPEAKER_00: 4:21

Yes, for sure. For sure. Yeah. Because it's different for every person. It depends. what their sort of experience of it is. And it doesn't just show up like, oh, I'm a people pleaser, the end. It's like, this leads to overwhelm, anxiety, stress, burnout, procrastination, especially for the perfectionists. It can be kind of lack of an ability to make a decision. So there's lots of different things that know self-doubt obviously like a kind of low self-worth not being able to say no without feeling like you have to justify yourself or explain so it's all those sorts of things where you hear these things that people say like oh I do this or you kind of recognize it oh that's that's got a root cause and I think people have this is where I kind of came to with my coaching was like where I was seeing people trying to deal with all of these different separate problems, like, oh, I procrastinate, I just need time management, or I need more motivation, or I just really worry about what people think. And they were treating them all as these separate things, like it's all the same root cause, is that you feel scared to be you and feel you wouldn't be loved and accepted and allowed to kind of be you in that way.

UNKNOWN: 5:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 5:43

Yeah. So now you have a personal story with this. I'm guessing. I do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 5:50

I think so. The kind of main thing is that it comes from your societal norms, education, religion, media, all that stuff, that kind of family obviously will shape a lot of people. I definitely, my personal story was I was like the OG good girl. I just believed it was such a necessary badge of honor. I went to a all girls school that was very like Victorian it was very you know kind of like grey uniforms very strict very it was just everything was like you have to get A's you have to be kind of this really high achiever you have to do everything to the highest standards and it was just kind of like nothing less is really acceptable and I totally at some point like drank that Kool-Aid. I just sort of was like, yeah, I need to do everything right and be perfect. And it took me a really, really long time. I'd say all through my twenties, I was kind of in London working in the corporate world. It wasn't really a great fit. It wasn't making me happy in the jobs I was in. I was always feeling a bit unfulfilled and a bit like, oh, I feel like I should stay here because everyone else I've been to university with has gone to London and got the big corporate job and has the handbags and has the things and like all these kind of tick boxes of I'm doing well, I'm succeeding and this would make everyone proud. And there was a part of me that was like, I don't really want any of this and I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what I do want. And I feel like I just have to wait this out until I've sort of done my time or proved that I felt like I would be a real failure if I said, I actually just don't really want to play this game anymore. And I was really waiting for that permission, that approval for someone to say, it's fine, you can leave, you can do whatever. And I kind of got to 30, 31, and I guess everyone was going down the route of mortgages and marriages and all these things. And I was like, I don't really want to do any of that either. I'm just really feeling... so lost because I was like, am I behind? Am I wrong? What's wrong with me? What have I done wrong? I feel like I was doing everything right. So why am I still kind of misunderstood or a misfit or, you know, all of these questions in my mind. And I just decided or kind of had this breakthrough moment of like, I need to stop, take control. Nobody is coming to give me this of hail mary this free pass be like you can stop whenever you want you know i have to decide that myself and so i i quit everything um and booked a flight to argentina which was totally random i'd never been there before but i was like i just need to go somewhere new and different and try something different and just push myself out of my comfort zone And it was the best reset ever because I went somewhere where there were no expectations of me. I was just Laura from England and no one was kind of saying, oh, you sound like you're from this area or, oh, well, you don't look like someone from this area or you don't dress this way. I wouldn't expect that of you. So I wasn't being put into boxes that didn't fit. You know, I was feeling like totally free to just be accepted as just me. And obviously I, That was just for like a month. I had to go back to England after that. And I was like, I need to find a way now to bring this into my life because it kind of changed my mindset to say, okay, I actually am the person not accepting myself to just be me and just, you know, break out of all these boxes I was trying to kind of fit into and be like the good girl that does this and that this is what's expected of me here and da da da. So that really, was such a life-changing trip. It really made me realize like, oh, I can just be accepted for being just me as I am, like not meeting anyone else's expectations or requirements or standards. It's like, I'm good. I'm okay. And so, yeah, then I had this plan of, I really want to leave London, leave corporate and, I really wanted to move back to Argentina on a long-term basis, but I didn't speak Spanish, didn't know anyone there other than the family I'd stayed with, like didn't have any way of supporting myself or anything. And I guess through kind of COVID and all these different things, like the world was just changed so much in those few years. And I retrained as a coach, quit my corporate job, packed up my apartment in London. And yeah, and yeah, Now I live in the countryside in England for a few months a year and the rest of the time I'm in Buenos Aires in Argentina. So it made it happen, but it was a long road for me to get there because I didn't have basically someone like me. So it's okay, you can do it. These things are all possible. I was going against the grain wildly of everyone else saying that's completely insane. That's crazy. Like, why would you do that? That doesn't make sense. That's going to fail horribly. What are you thinking? Do you need help? And it's like, no, I think I'm really good. But it was kind of actually saying, okay, being this good girl is actually working against me now. And, you know, not that I need to go and be some kind of crazy, like extreme opposite end of that, but just saying, I don't need to, hide who i am and suppress and not say how i feel and not kind of follow my own heart and and recognize that we all have different paths and we're all allowed to you know find our own way and do our own things for our own reasons so and not have to explain yourself or defend yourself to people um so yeah it's it's that's my kind of little background of it it's like my personal experience so i definitely I'm so passionate about letting other people know that there is another way and it's not necessarily leaving corporate or leaving where you live or, you know, my life change was pretty radical. But for most people, it's just kind of this mindset opening to see like, oh, I'm not wrong. I'm not alone. I'm not the only one. I'm not the problem. You know, I haven't done something wrong to find myself in this place. It's just like, It's just the way that the world is set up and the way that the media and all of these things and societal norms, expectations, institutions that we grow up in. And a lot of times like family models, it's kind of really hard. You really subconsciously absorbing all the time, these ideals and standards and expectations and like, oh, you should do this. You shouldn't do that. Like, is that a good idea? And you're like, oh, okay. And you just start kind of self, containing and correcting all the time it takes a lot to kind of break that and just be like actually what do I want and what do I care about and what are my values for me and that's not selfish and that's not being a bad person and that's not being like harmful to other people for me to just be happy you know so yeah kind of finding that.

SPEAKER_02: 16:19

You said you were around 31 when you booked that first trip to Argentina?

SPEAKER_00: 16:24

That's right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:26

And when was

SPEAKER_00: 16:27

that? That was 2017, so eight years ago. So I just turned 39 on Saturday.

SPEAKER_02: 16:35

Okay. Yeah, it can be difficult to turn off those messages. Hugely,

SPEAKER_00: 16:46

yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:47

especially when it comes from family and community, religious institutions, you're just sort of indoctrinated into this is the way and media. And I don't know if it's, you're in London?

SPEAKER_00: 17:05

I'm out of London now, so I'm in the countryside, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 17:10

So you're in London and... We're in the United States and I don't know if the message is similar, but definitely when I was growing up and I'm 47, there was sort of an order of operations. You graduate high school, you go on to college. I don't know, maybe you get married and then get a job or get a job and then get married. Where you buy your house, you have your kids or get your dog. Exactly. And you check these boxes off just because that's about what everybody else is doing and what everybody else has also been sort of conditioned to do. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 18:07

Yeah, exactly. And that's scary to go against that. grain I mean that wasn't a really conscious choice that I was like I don't want to get married or anything it was just more like oh I'm having a really good time just living my life and doing whatever having fun and then I was sort of like oh I haven't really met someone but I wasn't feeling that pressure for me in terms of the way that some of my friends I think were very much like I'm turning 30 put a ring on my finger now or you know I wasn't feeling that but It's weird, even though that wasn't my value system, I still was then being kind of questioned or judged a little bit by certain people. And I think just it makes other people feel uncomfortable when you don't conform. And I was having this conversation with someone the other day that I was like, actually, I've really learned to reframe this now when people ask to... think that they're just asking out of curiosity not out of judgment and to not start defending myself and be like well the reason I did this is but I think for a while it was painful going to parties and things where people were like oh why where's your house where's your boyfriend where's your husband it's like oh I just don't need what I'm like today like I'm also a whole person by myself and on my own timeline and you don't have to do all these things, you know, kind of by a certain date or in a certain order. And, you know, I think there are plenty of people when you actually look really in the media, there's plenty of people who've got married and divorced and married again, or, you know, had children before marriage or lost a job and then had like made millions, lost millions, like people do things all in and out of order. It's not very often that people kind of tick all of these boxes in the exact timeline and order. And then just like I've completed life. Now I will ride out the next 60 years of like done, you know, it's like life doesn't work that way. So yeah, we have our different tapestries.

SPEAKER_02: 20:20

No. And I always kind of said life happens while you're making other plans. Exactly. And that, you know, for me, I mean, I definitely didn't, although I don't even know if it was expected. It was just kind of what I've been taught. It wasn't like something that was even drilled into me growing up. My parents were kind of liberal. Yeah. They never really said, I don't really feel like they left a message one way or another on how things were supposed to go. Right. And the direction, but even the school systems, I think teach, this is, this is what you're doing. You're working towards this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 21:17

Yeah. And this is, this is good. This is bad. This is success. This is failure. And it's very, very like basic and it's very kind of like one end or the other. There's very little scope for all of the gray in between. And life is just living in the gray. Like it's very rare. unless you're doing like something super illegal. It's very rare that something is like, this is okay, this is not okay. Most stuff, people will have their views and that will be, you know, sometimes religious things will influence that or political, you know, things or family, whatever. Or, you know, certain cultures, you know, may frown on certain things that other ones would be more open-minded to. But that's not right or wrong either. It's just like, everyone is doing what they have been told is the right thing to do. And it takes, you know, a different mind sometimes to say, oh, I wonder why we're doing it that way. Like, I just don't really want to do it that way. And it's not, it's not purposefully saying I'm going to break the system and go against it. It's just like, that system doesn't really work for me. We're all humans. We're all made differently. We all have different, you know, needs and wants and dreams and goals. Like you cannot possibly all be doing everything on the same timeline. The world would be insane if that was the case. And really boring as well.

SPEAKER_02: 22:48

Yeah. Well, and it makes me think of that story. I don't know. It's about, you know, the daughter talking to her mother about baking a cake and using a square pan.

SPEAKER_01: 23:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02: 23:04

You know, and well, why do we have to use the square pan? Well, that's what your grandmother did. And that's what your great grandmother did. Well, maybe I want a round pan. You know, like, and then you actually, hopefully are given the freedom to like explore the round pan. But it's just like these, it's just like just generationally passed down. Exactly. And oftentimes with no rhyme or reason as

SPEAKER_00: 23:31

to why. Yeah, exactly. And I think a lot of that is, you know, if you go back to sort of caveman levels of just fitting into a tribe or not fitting in, but belonging and being sort of accepted and having that survival and safety and all of these things. And so much of what all of us are doing with that conditioning, it's just like, that would be really unsafe to go outside, you know, what we have set as the parameters of normality and that would be like what will happen it's like well actually nothing bad will really happen but people are really worried and they're worried about being judged and they're worried about failing and they're worried about being rejected from families communities relationships friendships you know jobs all these things like oh if I show up as I really am and I say what I really think I'm not saying go into your boss and be like, I hate your haircut. But just kind of, if someone is asking you, what do you need in this relationship? Or what do you look for in this job? There's no point in you saying, yep, that's totally fine. And none of it being fine with you, because you're going to be the person that suffers from that long term. You're going to be just... keeping everybody else's peace basically at the cost of your own and you're going to end up in relationships that aren't fulfilling jobs that aren't fulfilling you know families we can't always choose them but you know there's a lot of different things with friendships you know life choices in general if you're not following if you don't know what your values are and what really matters to you and sort of what your real non-negotiables are and you don't believe that actually you deserve to have that choice and your choices as valid, as valid as anybody else's and your feelings are valid and your opinions are valid and your fears are valid. It's like, if you, if you don't have clarity on those things, that's, you're always going to be kind of easily swayed or kind of manipulated by somebody else who is clear on what they want and we'll just use you to get there, you know? So you have to be in the driving seat of your own car, basically, for your own life, for sure.

SPEAKER_02: 25:57

Yeah, and I think sometimes we don't know what those non-negotiables are until we're right there in the middle of a situation. Yes,

SPEAKER_00: 26:07

100%, 100%. And also, I think one massive thing I would say is like, this is... this is not something to be ashamed of or feel guilty for, or think there's something wrong with you. Because I think this is, I mean, I call it the good girl guilt, but this is kind of the, the base of what's holding people into these stuck in these old patterns, these old cycles of beliefs, because it's, they feel so much like I should be doing this or it's probably just me or there's something wrong with me or like I'm the you know the weird one in the family or I'm I don't think the way that everyone else in my family or my group my school group or my church or whatever you know my community I don't I don't feel the same way I don't think the same way or if people are invalidating you and saying, well, you just need to toughen up. You're being too sensitive. So don't cry. Or, you know, you need to think about everyone else because it's not all about you. And, you know, you need to be prioritizing everyone else's needs. You know, there's a lot where we are from an early age, like education, religion, especially, they definitely push kind of a community aspect rather than individual values. It's really hard to get to an adult point and then say, oh, what do I care about? And really, really know that it's important to you. And you're right. Sometimes it's not to have your feet to the fire. They're like, oh, I just now realized that I've been sort of sleepwalking through my life. life or kind of be like a passenger a little bit in someone else's life because I'm not quite sure like I haven't been actively making these decisions through the lens of my own choices and values.

SPEAKER_02: 28:01

Yeah you know I was talking with a friend this morning and I knew our conversation was this afternoon and she was sharing with me about a family vacation and

SPEAKER_01: 28:15

takes

SPEAKER_02: 28:17

with in-laws her, her mother and father-in-law, and then also her husband's family and, and how this might be the last one. Oh, not for any negative reason, but things are shifting as kids grow up and different people are coming and some aren't coming. And, um, She and her husband were putting on their shoes to take a walk, which they thought was just going to be them. And then his brother's wife was like, oh, you're going on a walk? Okay. Let me grab my shoes. And, you know, that's fine, right? But she was like, he and I were just kind of thinking we were going to go out, right, and take our walk. Yeah. We're totally submersed in family. Yeah. And, you know, I could hear it in her, right? That she should just let her join. Yeah. Right. And that's where I think, like, it's these tiny things.

SPEAKER_00: 29:33

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 29:34

And losing our voice in that, hey, we'd really just like an hour together. Yeah. You can't come. Yeah. And guess

SPEAKER_00: 29:42

what? That's okay. That is okay. And I was saying this yesterday to another client that was telling me, you know, we've been working on things for her job and sort of asking for what you need. And she was saying, I can't communicate well. And I said, no, you do. You communicate very well, very clearly, very articulate. But you don't feel that you can communicate your needs. And then she said this week, oh, well, I tried to communicate. You know, I told my boss, I need this. And then she said, oh, I don't know if we can make that work. And she's like, oh, and then I felt so stupid that I'd asked for it. And I felt really bad. And I was worried I was a troublemaker. And I said, OK, if you went into Starbucks and said, hi, I really want a cappuccino with some oat milk. And the barista said, we're out of oat milk this week. How would you feel? Would you feel really stupid and really bad and like everyone was judging you and you should never have asked for that and you're being difficult and awkward? And she's like, no, I'd just choose another milk. Or like, it's not personal. I was like, exactly. You know, we have to take all these things because we're putting so many judgments and assumptions on ourselves all the time and you know probably with your friend and her sister-in-law her sister-in-law probably would have been okay if you say oh do you mind actually if we just have one hour as a couple by ourselves like to get some space some breathing room but people I think you know it's so easy to go and order a coffee and make all your sort of mini demands because they're not demands it's like a very clear menu of options you know what you have available you know what you can kind of choose from three sizes you know whether it's takeout having whatever um the kind of milk but I think when it's something where it's like I don't know if that's allowed I don't know if that's on the menu to say please don't come on this walk. And I don't know how the other person is going to interpret it. And I don't know if they'll think I'm being rude or if it's personal or if they won't mind. And I don't know if I'm just being mean if I say that or if that's okay for me to, you know, there's so many things that this is all this kind of self-doubt because we don't have the clear parameters. And I think when you're little and you're trying to be good, often that comes from a place of, behave this way so that you're liked so that you're accepted so that you're kind of palatable to other people and you're lovable and you'll get praise and you'll get attention and you'll be welcome and that's something that we just start editing and editing and editing more as we get through life because we're like oh I don't know you know I don't I don't want to upset anyone so it's in the end it's like okay then your friend is upset not necessarily upset, but probably didn't have the walk that she was hoping for. And she won't just be doing that in that one area of her life. That will be every area that she's feeling unable to speak up and say, I wouldn't love it on this occasion if you joined us. And actually, if you went to a coffee shop and just said, oh, sorry, you put regular milk instead of oat milk, People would feel completely fine saying that. People are like, no, I asked for something else. Or like, that's not what I wanted. And people are like, oh, okay. And it's such a clean transaction. And then, yeah, in real life, I think people really struggle with that because it's like, what's the menu? What's the rules? Which rules have you got? I don't know if my rules are the same. I don't know how you're going to interpret them. It's a lot.

SPEAKER_02: 33:34

Yeah, it's a willingness to be really vulnerable.

SPEAKER_00: 33:39

Yeah, yeah, very much

SPEAKER_02: 33:42

so. And I think, and, you know, what, how will this person, as you, like, how will this person view me with asking for this need to be met or this request?

SPEAKER_00: 33:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 34:01

And... I remember, I forget when, you know, when we don't ask, we don't know if it's a no. Exactly. Exactly. And it also gives the other person an opportunity to share, you know, say yes or no. Exactly. Yeah. And offers them an opportunity for growth because maybe it's a, an uncomfortable yes or no, but that allows room for expansion. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:39

And also I think for me, I would be really upset if I thought that somebody didn't say something in a workplace or relationship or whatever. So I thought that they were okay. And then they said, oh, actually for five years, I've just been pretending that this thing you do makes me happy but actually it really annoys me or it really hurts my feelings or it's really like not pleasant or and I would I would be like oh why didn't you just tell me because I would have just been aware of it and I would have obviously been considerate and I think that's where people get really scared as well with this thing of kind of hey I have my coaching program good girl goodbye which is very much like get rid of this good girl voice in your head that's keeping you small and quiet and questioning but some people are like oh well I I don't want to be bad though I don't want to be a bad person it's like no that's not what I'm that's not what I'm trying to do at all you know it's just allowing you to be you and that that's not going to be a bad person it's just going to be not a really edited confined kind of cut your corners off to fit a square peg in a round hole kind of person you know and a lot of us doing that or have done that at some point in our lives and it never leads you to a place where you feel happy because that thing of fitting in versus belonging that brene brown always says it's like they're just wildly different you know fitting in is just you kind of pretending to to be you know a person or what you think other people need and belonging is really just here i am like warts and all and just love me or leave me I don't mind but at least you know that people who love you or accept you or want you there a hundred percent know what they're getting because it's actually pure authentic you you know and that's just it's not easy for people to show up in that space and and it feels very unsafe for a while if you if you don't have other people around you or support to say like that's okay that's not wrong and that's we've been there we've all kind of got through that journey you know and actually I can guarantee you will always be happier on the other side of this when you're being true to yourself because otherwise whose life are you living honestly

SPEAKER_02: 41:03

yeah I know uh I think that and I don't know if you felt the same I I would almost feel like at times when I wasn't

SPEAKER_00: 41:14

uh

SPEAKER_02: 41:16

you know, for me, COVID was big. The masks were big. I wasn't doing

SPEAKER_01: 41:19

them.

SPEAKER_02: 41:20

Uh, and I, and it was symbolically, you know, it was like, okay, you're taking away my throat chakra, my ability to speak, express my song. Um, you know, they, I was very vocal about not wearing masks to the point that we created a, you know, hugs over masks group and we, uh, Protested in a sense, you know, in the grocery stores with groups of us. And it wasn't easy.

SPEAKER_01: 41:53

But

SPEAKER_02: 41:56

I know that had I warned them. Yeah. It would have been completely counterintuitive to everything that I am about. And know that if I had kept my mouth shut.

SPEAKER_01: 42:07

It

SPEAKER_02: 42:09

also would have been suffocating. Yeah. Literally suffocating me. I mean, not only were they suffocating people, you know, and I had plenty of science to prove that they were not good for humans, you know, but it wasn't easy doing it. It was not easy going into the grocery store.

SPEAKER_01: 42:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 42:34

And, you know, no, I don't have to wear a mask. It's just a mandate. It's not a law, you know, like in here, I was explaining myself, um, And so I only went to the places that I wasn't going to be harassed.

SPEAKER_00: 42:48

Yeah. And what for you made it more worthwhile to be in the discomfort of, you know, explaining yourself or feeling that way rather than the discomfort of conforming?

SPEAKER_02: 43:01

What made it more comforting?

SPEAKER_00: 43:04

What made it warm? Because I guess they're both like discomforts. It's like, yeah, what made you choose that discomfort? Because

SPEAKER_02: 43:11

if I had put it on, it would have felt like I was going against every cell in my body. And that was out of alignment. Yeah. My truth. And I can't live like that.

UNKNOWN: 43:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 43:30

No, it's so interesting, isn't it? Because I think that's when people really change, you know, and they always say that's when the discomfort of going out of your comfort zone and trying something new or making that change, that first step is always worth it when it's actually going to be even less comfortable to stay there. you know doing what everyone else is doing or to stay where you are or where you don't feel happy and like stay in the room that you know isn't working for you so at least kind of go wandering and try something else or try you know doing what feels authentic or right to you yeah and even if that will feel uncomfortable to start with it will feel more comfortable than the the discomfort of doing something that really goes against your whole your whole being you know

SPEAKER_02: 44:19

Yeah, and I think that's where you really have to listen to your, well, intuition, but even your body. Like, we have bodily sensations that tell us and are sort of our inner compass.

SPEAKER_00: 44:34

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 44:36

And when we aren't listening to those, they might start, I don't know, I think that's where body awareness is so important. Like, how do I feel in my body now? When I said yes, but I actually meant no, like constriction in my chest and starting to be aware of those feelings. I dated this guy. I was moving in with him. Okay. Everything. Now this was, and sometimes you learn this in hindsight.

SPEAKER_00: 45:08

Always in

SPEAKER_02: 45:09

hindsight. Everything in my body said, this is a bad idea. To the point that I, the day of the move wasn't packed. I was getting a U-Haul and I literally was like taking my arm and sweeping across the counter and just putting the stuff in boxes.

SPEAKER_01: 45:33

But

SPEAKER_02: 45:34

my body all up to that point was like, no, no, this isn't, this isn't right. And I felt it. And four months later I was moved out.

SPEAKER_00: 45:46

And then you kind of realized it. Yeah,

SPEAKER_02: 45:48

but I'm like, I knew. And I felt it in my chest, in my gut, like my leg, like heavy. I wasn't getting up off the couch. Like when you start to pay attention, right? You can actually feel like, okay, this is in alignment with me. Oh, this isn't, you know? And how are you feeling? And I think when you, like you were saying, right? It can bring on anxiety, right?

SPEAKER_00: 46:15

Yeah, absolutely. Exhaustion. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 46:19

Stress. Yeah. I would think even some disease and illness,

SPEAKER_00: 46:24

auto

SPEAKER_02: 46:25

conditions often.

SPEAKER_00: 46:27

Yeah, because the body keeps the score and it's kind of screaming out like, stop it, stop doing this to me. And actually, I was very ill before I left London. I had to have an operation because I was really unwell. And it was one of those things where I had to look back and think, I think this is me just pushing my body to try and be in a space, like in a city that didn't super light me up and to be doing jobs that didn't make me really happy, but really kind of going over and above trying to prove my worth. And I was like, well, if I do more than I'll, be promoted and I'll be paid more. I'll get a better job that will give me the freedom and it will let me get more money. So I'll be able to get a better apartment or I'll be able to travel more in my five weeks of annual leave, whatever. And when I went to Argentina, every day I was there, I was like, oh, this just feels like I'm actually really alive and I'm living. Like my whole day feels like from start to finish as though I'm in it. And when I was in London, I was like, I just feel as though I've woken up, gone like a little zombie train to work. And I was trying to change up different things. Like I'm going to walk to work and listen to like manifest. Yeah. Kind of manifesting podcasts or meditations or, you know, I'm going to do yoga and I'm going to kind of get extra hobbies and things that, but it was actually my body just been like, stop doing these things. that make you feel unseen and overlooked and just kind of repeating the cycle and going from job to job just being like oh it's the same thing again even though it's a global company not a small startup or it's like I've got you know this industry of finance versus fashion or whatever I was like maybe I need something more creative maybe I was like no you just need to get out and the big thing for me was that whenever I saw a film you know like those cheesy hallmarks when the girl leaves the city and goes back to her small hometown. And then she's like finally free and falls in love or whatever. And I always used to watch those and see when they left the city for like whatever, they lost their job or something and be like, I'm so jealous. Like that would feel amazing. I can imagine if, if my, if I just had to leave London. And it took years before I was like, I wonder if I could just leave by myself. Like, I wonder if I don't have to be in like a horrific car crash or like fired from a job or, you know, do something. I was like, I wonder if I could just be a really good employee, full health and be like, actually, I don't want to do this anymore. This makes me really unhappy and I'm choosing a different route. And then I'm a big person of no regrets, but that's one of the things that you were saying with hindsight. I was like, I listened to so many podcasts where, you know, famous, successful people were saying that they're like, I made all my great decisions by my gut. And it's like, what feels right and what, and there is something there. And the things that, that you notice in a film or in a song or that make you cry, or, you know, I remember watching that Disney film soul. Have you seen that one? I

SPEAKER_02: 49:51

haven't seen that one.

SPEAKER_00: 49:52

Actually so good, but it's basically the same thing of kind of, everyone has a purpose that they have to fulfill in life and they're all different. And it's like, you won't be happy till you find your kind of little thing that's aligned with you. And I remember just sobbing at that, just watching it with like my goddaughter. I was like, this is a children's film, but it really got me because it's like, oh yeah, I'm not aligned. I'm not doing something. And when I found coaching and I was like, started getting into that space of that kind of tribe of, people that were in a place of service and in a place of you know empathy and caring and listening and wanting to help other people and almost everyone who's found their way to coaching therapy counseling all these things like we've all had something kind of nightmarish in our past or different things along the way you know no one's got there with a clean slate um and so that was just so refreshing I was suddenly like oh I wasn't wrong all of these years and I wasn't a misfit or I wasn't you know a problem I was like I just was around people who were really glorifying burnout and they really were more than happy to basically put their lives on hold till 45 50 and then be like I've done it I'm getting out I'll take my money and leave and I was just like I don't think I can do that I don't think I can get there this is like my body's not going to let me do it and yeah there's a there's a huge part that if I was doing my life all over again I would love to have been brave enough like at one of the kind of earlier stages to say I can just actually pull myself out of this I don't I don't need like someone else to do that or give me that permission or that. But equally, everything happens for a reason. And all the experience I got now helps me so much with my coaching. But when I do this now, when I talk to you or talk to a client or I'm in a coaching panel or anything like that, I leave the calls and I feel like I've been plugged in and charging and like so energized. And I just feel like, really kind of sunshiny and happy and overflowing with like all of this goodness and like oh there's so much possibility and opportunity and everything's good and it's just the complete opposite to how I used to feel when I left the office which was like oh another day that's gone by in my life that I'll never get and that's not to say I'm really not anti-corporate at all because actually I think I could have made a lot of those jobs work if I had had the skills and tools that I have now of being able to assert myself or being able to, you know, ask for what I want or, or just kind of know what I want and validate that for myself and probably choose different jobs in the first place and different priorities and all these things. So yeah, that's something I'm also quite passionate about is, you know, I don't think people often do have to leave certain situations as a kind of like you know run get out break free because quite often it's like we can we can push this back we can get these boundaries in place we can make some really good positive changes and unless it's a very toxic environment and you just need to get out of there there's there's a lot of things that you can do you know that make make a change almost overnight so yeah

SPEAKER_02: 53:33

I think so much of of of of Our situations, as you mentioned, unless really toxic, you know, like reflect on the relationship I had with their dad had I had different tools. Right. I mean, not even relationships don't necessarily have to end. So much of it comes back to our own personal work that could like shift and interact differently. Friendship or relation, right? But when we're not speaking up and we're not expressing that truth, and if we're coming from an intention of, right, of love, anything we share, right? It's not, you know, if it's coming in, you know, and I think maybe delivery, but

SPEAKER_00: 54:18

if it's- 100%,

SPEAKER_02: 54:19

yeah. Right? If that intention is still loving, the delivery and the delivery is respectful and kind and, you know, that all kinds of things can shift, right?

SPEAKER_00: 54:31

Absolutely. And I was giving this example the other day, too, that I don't have any children of my own. One of my best friends, maybe four or five years ago, was pregnant and then was kind of avoiding me. And then she said, oh, I want to tell you something, but I'm so sorry. You know, I'm pregnant and I know it's going to upset you. And I was like, OK, well, I'm not upset for you. Like, I'm really happy for you. but I'm also allowed to sort of be upset for me. And that took a lot for me to have got to that point of like, I think I'm allowed to feel both of these things at the same time. And we just had a really good conversation because I was like, I don't want to lose this friend. You know, she was sort of like, I'll see you in nine months to a year. Goodbye. No, you know, and she just didn't know how to deal with it and kind of, she was just so concerned that she was going to hurt me by, you know, being happy herself. And I was like, no, that's absolutely not true. I was like, give me like three to five business days. I'll just kind of process this, work it out myself. And I was like, I'll, I'll be back, you know? And now it's like, I'm godmother to her daughter and stuff. And it's really lovely. And, but I was so grateful that she kind of allowed me to have that conversation with her because some people, I think, aren't necessarily open to that. They're just like, right, goodbye. If you're not really exuberantly happy for me. And it's like, you have to understand that both people's feelings are valid and that I can be really, really happy for you and sad for me or vice versa. And we can also, if I just explain to you, it's not personal and I know that you're not doing this in any way to hurt me. It's just like, let's just meet each other in the middle, talk about it. And she said that it was really helpful for, you know, she had some other friends who had issues having children and things. And she was like, oh, I was able to take that and understand, you know, as well, how to talk to people. Because people don't explain these things. And unless you have those awkward conversations and then they work out well, then you're like, oh, I shouldn't say anything. And if I was doing the good girl version of me, I would have done what I did. My first few friends was like, okay, I'm so happy for you. Great. Bye. And then they're like, I don't think she is happy for me, but you know, and it's, it's just not the same. It's not healthy to, for both sides, you know?

SPEAKER_02: 57:01

Yeah. So she gave you, right. But if she had withheld the information, she wouldn't have given you that opportunity for. Yeah. Growth and expansion. And even to have that conversation with her and you, you, got to also share and show up in that vulnerable space of like, look, I can experience both.

SPEAKER_00: 57:22

Yeah. Yeah. And also I think that's just, I mean, that's just my personal example, but I think there's so many things like that where it's worth having the slightly uncomfortable conversation. And it was very much in a tone like this. It was just like, look, this is sort of where I'm coming from. I also know where you're coming from and I genuinely really am happy for you. I also just need some space to just, like I'm just today not going to be like extremely happy and might accidentally cry, you know? So it's that kind of thing. But that was so much better than I was like, I do love you as a friend though. I don't want to lose the friendship. I don't want to not be in your children's life or like, you know, just as a cutting off. So things like that, just to be able to, explain and and I was really grateful for her that she gave me the time and space to explain that because I think that's something if you've been invalidated for your feelings a lot or if you say something and people just like well you just need to be happy or you just need to to toughen up or whatever you're like oh okay I just won't explain myself or I won't say how I really feel because I that's going to cause trouble or it's going to hurt someone, or it's going to be me being the problem again, you know, it goes back into those good girl beliefs. And so, yeah, that's what I'm always saying is like, the good girl is, is this voice in your head that's basically like, don't say that, don't do that. That would be really naughty. That would be bad. Like, then they weren't like, you know, it's kind of all the, the self doubt things. And it's really, She's like your bully, a bully in your head. She's like the mean girl at school. And it's really like getting rid of her and so that you can just actually be you.

SPEAKER_02: 59:13

Be, yeah, who you are. So when working with clients, how do you approach helping them step into their power and sort of release that bully, right? in their head so that they can, you know, feel confident in their communication and expressing their desires, their needs, asking for what they need, you know, all that.

SPEAKER_00: 59:44

Yeah. So normally it's like a, I do a deep dive, which is a 90 minute call, or usually I do a 12 week program. They're both one-to-one coaching. I do some group coaching too, but mostly it's one-to-one and it's very much like a tailored thing because I didn't want to do a kind of like here's my program here are my fixed questions go because everyone is different we're coming from different places so even though it's the same theory, it's like someone might be really, really heavy on the perfectionism and someone else might be really struggling with boundaries and setting them and maintaining them things. So it starts off kind of exploring that, like, where do you think your challenges are and what do you know that you struggle with or kind of get challenged by? And then once we start talking about all of those things, it's like, observing and awareness and kind of bringing that awareness to other things that are coming up and blind spots. And then very much understanding where that's coming from, like what that root cause is and where that is all kind of feeding back into. And often it is these kind of childhood limiting beliefs that are kind of from between nought and seven, but there'll be, you know, formative experiences that any, person has had that at some point it's kind of solidified and it's kind of getting to that point being like okay you're not that person now and how can we kind of make it safe for that little version of you basically that's like still running in this safety survival mode but I mean they're so ingrained these are super subconscious things so everyone's like I don't think so I don't think I do that and then kind of my session through it's like I just realized after a conversation, you know, I said this to my boss and I definitely, I definitely do do that thing. And there's a lot where I give coaching tools and kind of explain things. So like I use a lot of analogies, like with boundaries, I always say it's kind of like being on a tennis court. and having the net down the middle and any relationship of any kind that you're in, whether with a, you know, work relationship with a boss, with a friend, or, you know, as a personal relationship with a partner, whatever, that net should be down the middle of the court, like 50% each. And there will always be someone who's like a bit of a boundary pusher who picks up the net and pushes it into your area. And it's like, Do you say, excuse me, I actually know I deserve 50% of this court, put that back and assert yourself and hold your boundaries and say, I feel comfortable with this, but not this. Or are you like, that's not very nice, please don't do that. And then they just do it more and more and you kind of end up squashed against the wall and they've got, you know, 90% of the court and you've got 10 and then, yeah. these are the situations where you have to kind of leave the tennis court because like the boundary's gone, you know, I've lost all control of this situation. So there's things like that where, yeah, I'll sort of explain coaching tools and like things to do and then how we communicate or, you know, again, people will have different points that they are challenged by or struggle with. And so it's kind of coming up with different exercises, resources, ideas, and just, lot of it's like mindset reframe and and getting to a point where someone kind of has the manual to their own beliefs and behaviors and kind of understanding you know like when you get an apple laptop versus a like a original you know ibm one or something and it's totally different keyboard and everyone's like how do you make a hashtag and stuff and it's like we don't know and it's kind of giving someone that manual to say like, by the way, if you press this, this, and this, it will shortcut to this. And if you do this and we all have like our own weird glitches in the code, it's kind of finding out where that is and kind of updating your operating system, I guess, doing your system updates and getting to a point where it's, yeah, you've kind of feel able to have that freedom, trust your intuition, have self-worth, know that you actually deserve to assert yourself, have your own feelings, validate your own feelings so you're not constantly feeling like you need to be doing something to qualify for someone else to say, oh, well done. Oh, okay, now you've done enough and now you're good enough. And that's a huge thing is like feeling good enough just as you are and feeling like you don't have to prove your worth, feeling like you don't have to be perfect to meet these insanely high standards. And I was talking to one client who was like, oh, if I'd done this 20 years ago in corporate, I'd never would have got on a plane with a migraine and flown five hours to a meeting that I could have taken on an online call because I felt like I would lose my job and I wouldn't then get my promotion, my pay. These kinds of things that it's like the knock-on effect is so huge. And actually when you just know that, oh, I could say, no that isn't okay and i don't feel good and actually there's another solution and it's totally reasonable for me to take this call online from my office you know whatever um and being able to just stand up for yourself basically um yeah and it's kind of getting up to that that freedom so know for me as well and i'm going between england and argentina they're very different cultural experiences and uh and it's very much like i am now at a point where i'm very unedited and unwavering like i'm the same wherever i am whoever i'm with whatever i'm doing i can bring these same kind of pressure-proof um, traits where I'm like, I know who I am. I know in my core this, and I'm very able to say, I don't like this and I do like this and I don't want that. And that's, and I'm not the problem. I'm not being really difficult. If I have an allergy, I'm not going to eat the food anyway, to be polite and make myself an allergic reaction, you know, but people do things like that because they get nervous and they're like, Oh, I just, I just, going to leave it and eat the nuts. And it's like, don't, you know? So,

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:23

yeah. And I think it's, I think, I think it is a journey. I do think it takes time. I think many women and men, I do think it, I don't think we're meant to come out at 22. Right. With all of this knowledge and wisdom. wisdom no

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:49

of course no life would be so dull like if you were

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:53

if we just came in too dark already knowing all this stuff like it really takes time to figure out that um you know there were things that i did along the way that were definitely um swimming what would be you know swimming upstream making some big decisions that people thought were like, what, like, what are you doing? But I think it's a process.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:26

And it has to be good for you. Because if you were doing everything by the book by this, you know, old good girl rule book, and living a really miserable kind of half baked life that you didn't enjoy and you didn't feel alive and present and your body was ill and your mind was ill all these things because like we were saying these these things do manifest in different ways and they kind of your body is signaling like stop it please get me out of this situation and you know it's it's like you you deserve to be in a full happy enjoyable life and I'm not saying every day is going to be rainbows and sunshine and just no problems and that's just not life but you know I think as well it's having that resilience and being able to build that so that when things do glitch that you can say oh okay no problem I know how to fix this it's not going to just derail me and my life isn't a complete failure and if I make a mistake I'm not going to be ejected from everything and everyone I know and it's like you know it's mistakes are just an opportunity for learning and there's huge reframes and in all of those sort of things that growth mindset of like you have to fail in order to succeed because you have to learn and course correct and you know as long as you are in a in a mindset of kind of curiosity and exploration and like children are where they're just like oh well I fell down learning to walk I'm going to get up and walk again they don't say that's it I'll never walk I'm terrible at walking I should never have tried they're just like oh well you know because they don't have that shame and that guilt and that judgment and all those things programmed in they're just like I'm just trying I'm trying to do it and at some point I'll get there you know and we we really get that kind of battered out of us at some point as we're growing up and it takes a lot to go back and kind of reclaim that and be like, actually, I think I'm good being just me. And I think that is enough. Well, I know that is enough. And if the people around you don't think that's enough, put yourself in some different groups and go and do the things you love and be in the places that light you up and make you happy. And you will find those people that, agree with you and see the world in your way and, you know, appreciate you for who you are and as you are. And that's just the best feeling in the world, you know, to have that freedom of like, I just don't really care what other people think about the way I cut my hair or how I'm dressed today. Like I'm not performing for anybody else. If I want to put makeup on and look nice for myself, I will do that. And if I want to go out with no makeup and whatever, also great. Like I'll do that for myself, you know, it's, it's not to meet somebody else's approval and expectations and, and yeah, because otherwise you would, you would always be in a position of less power than that other person, if that's what you're trying to do all the time. So.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:44

The title of my podcast is Unapologetic Living, and I don't know if it's ever been mentioned in any episode, but my son, I posted a video on Instagram. My son was 21 at the time, and I was tongue scraping. Are you familiar with that? Yes, yes. I do it every day. It is like the very first thing I do before I drink any water. I tongue

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:17

scrape,

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:18

I drink my water and it was on Instagram. I was tongue scraping, whatever. Well, he was working with a basketball team. By the time he hears this, because he doesn't listen to my stuff. So, and all these other guys were like twenties. He texts me. I mean, I tell you what he was like, Mom, you have got to take that video down. Guys on the team found this. They think it looks like you're sucking a dick. And I was like, son, I mean, we've had a big fight over this.

SPEAKER_01: 1:11:56

I'm

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:56

sure. You better take it down. This could potentially ruin my career. You know, it's all this, like, what everybody thinks. He's 21, right? I'm thinking, okay, this is his brain at 21.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:10

I'm 45. I'm not taking it down, son. Yeah. But it was like, and so he was kind of encroaching in my space. Yeah. Hey, if you don't take it down, I'm not coming to see you. Well, I'm not taking it down. So we're going to go and have a conversation with a counselor about this. Okay. So he comes to town. Everything's fine. And I... take him to this counselor and we talk about it, which was great. That's so open-minded. I love that. And I said, if you were asking me to take down some of my holistic messages out there, what have you, it's like me asking you to quit talking about basketball. Yes. How would that feel? And so we were able to come to this space of like true understanding. I mean, that's just water under the bridge now, but it gave me the name for my podcast. I love that. I have had my microphone for almost three years. I still haven't used it yet, but he said, you can keep, I love you. You're so out there. You know, all he wanted me to do was conform his entire life. Yeah. I want you to be normal. Well, you didn't pick normal. You pick parents because I believe parents choose their children for the growth they need this life in this lifetime. And I was like, that's not what you picked. You can keep living your unapologetic life. But we're not going to follow each other on Instagram. So that's our that's our thing. Right. That's your boundary. Yeah. And that's where we are. We have this. so much. I'm like the whole, our whole relationship shifted too. Right. And such a better, you've set boundaries. There's no more concern. No one's shutting down their voice.

SPEAKER_01: 1:14:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:11

And that's where I got the name. I was like, oh my gosh. Like I wrote it down right away. That's the name of my podcast. Like, thanks son. That's great. And you know, and I want him to live unapologetically. Yeah. You know, like truth, follow your dreams, like be able to get in touch with what that stuff is for you. And I know it takes time. And I'm sure when he looks back when he's 40, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I told my mom to take that video down. Right. But at 21, you're still in this like mindset of like caring so much about.

SPEAKER_00: 1:14:47

Yeah. He was coming from a place of fear. Yeah. Yeah. And that's where

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:52

you realize like when you really look and dig deeper, it is so much oftentimes scary. peer

SPEAKER_00: 1:14:59

but I think the same when I was I mean very different thing but when I was saying I think I'm just going to go to Argentina and everyone's like no you don't do that that that would be really stupid like that's that could be very dangerous and and actually what I wanted to do was I was like I'm going to learn to play polo and I was like but you don't really ride here you've never played polo in your life you don't know anyone that plays polo you can't be a professional I was like I don't want to do any of those things. I just want to go and do something like so insane and so different and so new and fresh and just start as a beginner and challenge myself. And I don't care if I'm obviously like not a professional polo player in any way. But like, I just want to go and like experience another culture and try something that I can if I want to. And it was really like, it took a lot and it sounds like, silly because now everyone's like oh great I always knew that you would make your dreams come true it's like did you because there was a lot of resistance and I was like I actually had to be incredibly strong to say I'm gonna do that anyway yeah and you know I think probably people thought it was defiant or thought it's having a breakdown or whatever but it's like actually for me like I don't want to stay where I am in the job that seems secure but is crushing my soul. And I don't want to be in the city that isn't really lighting me up, even though other people around the world love London and I can appreciate it for what it is. Like it's an amazing city for sure. But I was like, it's not doing anything for me. I just, I'm just like, yeah, it's nice. The end. Like I don't feel, whereas I go to Buenos Aires and I land and I'm like, I'm back and I'm alive. And I'm kind of like, where I'm meant to be you know you just feel like a completely different feeling and it's like that's you know I was always like it's that's like the great love of my life or something because it's like that feeling of like I really it lights me up talking about it and it was just more like I'm going to go and be me and do that thing because I don't want to, you know, I've done the being in a good girl thing and look where it's got me, like not to any of the places that I really wanted to be by the time I was 31. I was like, I didn't want to be feeling that way. And I don't want to be feeling like, is this it for the rest of my life? Like, is this as good as it gets? Cause I would be really sad of it. And also it's like, what, you know, what's the worst that can happen if I go, And I hate it. Like it's only me that's, that's got to deal with that consequence. Like no one else, like it's, that will just be notched up to experience. It turned out, obviously I loved it and that's great, but you have to really ask yourself these questions at some point of like, am I just kind of, you know, snoozing my way or like sleepwalking my way a little bit through life? Like you said, when people are kind of like, yep, I need to do this in this order by this day and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And then you're like, why and that's not necessarily because it's bad like some people are really really happy with their life working out of that and that's great and I sometimes really wish I was that person because life would have been so much easier but I'm also like I'm really so thrilled that I'm not that person because now I get to go and help all the other people who are also not like that. And I think there's secretly a lot more people out there that just don't realize it. That's what I'm here to do.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:35

I think so. I think they are. And I think so much of it's about kind of, I don't know, undoing that, right? Yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:49

like the deprogramming. Yeah,

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:51

you have to deprogram. I think that there's probably a lot of people And I say this, you know, I do spend a lot of time, not time, I mean, way less time, but I do drive Lyft and Uber. So I talk to a lot of people. I

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:09

love that. Those are my favorite conversations when I'm in a taxi. I love

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:14

that. And I'm a body worker too. So I, and I see a lot of it and build a lot of regular connections, but when I get to be in the Uber and, Right. And I'm talking to my passengers. Like I hear it. Yeah. Half lived.

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:31

Because of whatever reason. And, and, and there's various reasons.

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:37

Yeah. It's like a battery that's just kind of drained, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:43

And you know, this, I don't know, like right now I'm, And I know we've been talking for a while and I want to honor your time, but like, I don't know if you've, have you seen this book? I just found this

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:56

one. No,

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:57

but

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:57

that looks awesome. I'm going to write that down. It really awakened woman. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:01

I heard about it. I'm 47 and I'm heading into, well, I'm like in the throes of perimenopause. It's coming for you. And I didn't really think it was coming for me. And I'm 44. I'm like, oh, this is the best year of my life. And at 40, I'm like, oh, the things are changing. One of her questions here is like you when you go and are heading, especially in the book that I heard about this one from is the wisdom of menopause. It's like so much takes place in a woman's life.

SPEAKER_01: 1:20:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:36

This transition. And a lot of times, like kids leave women. Right. They leave the

SPEAKER_01: 1:20:42

house.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:42

At that time, a lot of women, well, they're, they're, they're rebirthing as a woman who is no longer fertile.

SPEAKER_01: 1:20:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:50

Using that piece. A lot of times women in menopause lose parents. That's typical, you know, around that

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:55

age.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:56

So there's a lot of death.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20:58

A lot of grief. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:59

A lot of grief.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:02

And it's, and a lot of women, that's actually when they like kind of enter out into the world with their gifts and their purpose.

UNKNOWN: 1:21:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:12

totally yeah it's never too late it really really isn't because you're going to be a year older anyway you know and you're going to be 47 whether you like go and pursue your dreams or not you're going to be 48 the following year whether so when sometimes people like oh well if I start a degree now I won't get my degree till I'm 50 it's like do that because if you start it next year you'll be 51 and then 50 like you're not going to be reversing time so it's like what's the point in waiting, you know? And it's not too late. There's so many famous people in history who have started things way later than, you know, there's like freaks that do something when they're 16, 17 and they're like amazing, amazing. That's great. But loads of people, like it takes the life experience and that path and all the little, you know, things that happen and don't happen and the mishaps and all the things along the way to get to that moment where oh it's all come together I've got all my pieces of the jigsaw now and like this is the final piece and then it's like it goes you know and it's really cool

SPEAKER_02: 1:22:18

um so before we conclude I am curious uh with working with these clients would you say there is an average age range

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:32

uh I'd say probably women in their late 20s to early 30s are kind of uh awakening to it they're like something's off and I think I've you know I think they kind of have these awarenesses that like stuff isn't feeling right but they feel like it's a again a lot of guilt a lot of shame and a lot of like it's me and it's I'm the problem and I've just got to kind of accept this um and there's a there's a big piece of kind of what I have to do is like kind of make people aware of like, this is what you have, or this is kind of not what you're feeling. I'd obviously never tell someone that, but, you know, just kind of putting the information out in different ways for people to be like, oh my gosh, that sounds really like me. And sometimes people are like, no, I'm not stressed. I'm not anxious. I'm, I'm fine. And then you say, oh, do you ever think this, or do you ever feel like, oh, I can't stop because everything would end and, you know, then all my stuff I've done before would be a waste. And people are like, oh, that does sound like, yes, you do have these things. And it's kind of getting to that point where it's like the awareness and then the acceptance and then the action, you know? So it's that, but those kind of three steps. So I'd say, yeah, late twenties, I think people are coming off the tail end of like, you can smooth over the cracks with some partying and like life's all good and stuff. And then, life just starts getting a bit more serious at 30, whether you're, I mean, I found this, I felt like I was on a good night out at the party and it's as though everyone just kind of left one by one and I didn't really notice. And then suddenly someone turned on the lights and was like, go home. And I was like, oh, where's everyone else? I was having a really good time. And life kind of changes whether you are on that train or not, you know, because it does. And people are, settling down or people move for jobs and jobs become more serious and people start wanting to do well in their career you know it's not just uh you know things so and families and children and all those things it changes dynamics and stuff shifts so I do think sort of yeah late 20s people are aware and early 30s I think people start to be like I need to do something about this because I do not like the way my life is going but that being said there's also people any time between there and kind of I'd say 40, mid-40s. Because I think at that point, like you said too, women get to that point where you're like, amen, but you just really don't care as much about what other people think. You do become a bit more able to be comfortable in your own skin. I think you, on some level, accept yourself, whether... whether everyone else does or not whether you feel that you know but yeah I think it's sometimes just getting that thing of like I could change this and not feel you know not kind of suffer with this or suffer in silence or struggle alone or I think my biggest thing I would have loved 10 years ago is for someone to say you are not the only person that feels this way you are not the only one and you know you're not you're not alone in this world with this because that is how I felt and that was really really scary and I do think that the world has changed in a really good way in terms of mental health conversations are opening up I think we have a long way to go on it as well but you know there's there's a lot with all of that where it's like these are problems that a lot of people are facing and just getting on with, and they don't have to, you know, you don't have to struggle with that by yourself. So

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:19

I'm

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:20

here. I love your

SPEAKER_02: 1:26:23

work. Where can people connect with you? Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:26:27

So Instagram, good girl syndrome coach. My website is www.goodgirlsyndromecoach.com. I've got, things on LinkedIn and that's just LinkedIn forward slash good girl syndrome coach. So basically I think like threads, YouTube, Facebook, all of it, it's all the same thing. And then you can take the quiz. I have a good girl quiz. That's 50 questions or kind of statements, thoughts, ideas of typical things that will go through the head of someone coming up against some good girl syndrome. And it's to kind of go through and see how many of those, you Do you see what your score is out of 50? And then also book a free assessment call. It's no obligation, 15 minutes. You can chat, see if I'm the right coach for you or not. And then, yeah, and then decide... how I can support you in any way. So there's, yeah, there's the deep dive, which is 90 minutes or the 12 week one-to-one program. And I can do that online. So wherever I am in the world, I can, I can connect with people, but yeah. But if you have questions, if anyone has questions, you can just message me, like DM me on Instagram or whatever. So drop me an email. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:27:45

Yeah. That's the beauty of, I guess, well with COVID more and more, more work. Yeah. virtually which is great I've met some awesome people through the internet but I didn't spend as much time but I mean I did but didn't you know and and now I have met just some amazing people and have some have had some amazing conversations

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:08

such a gift yeah

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:09

I was so happy to see your message the other day I was like yes this is brilliant love to chat

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:14

so it's really cool

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:15

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. And all those links will be listed in the show notes below. And that quiz is free.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:23

Yep. Free quiz. Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:25

Just right on the website.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:27

Yep. There's a link in Instagram and in the website as well. There's links all over the place. You'll find them.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:35

Awesome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining me.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:38

Thank you so much for having me. I've really, really enjoyed it. I love what you're

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:43

doing. It fits right in with living an unapologetic life. I mean, you have to remove that good girl. Get

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:50

her out of your head. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 1:28:52

Yeah. And what society or, you know, whatever has deemed good girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:28:58

And it's just like, write your own rule book. And that can be, you know, for things that to be that, to be that person that you always wanted to be you know you don't have to go into a witness protection program to be the person that you want to be so you can start fresh at any time so yeah

SPEAKER_02: 1:29:15

yeah I love it well thank you so much you're welcome thank you