How Can You Prepare for Birth - Physically, Emotionally, & Spiritually? featuring Marya Edaiffi

In this episode, Marya and I explore what it means to have an empowered birth experience - whether it's a medicated hospital birth, a cesarean section, or an unmedicated birth at home or in a birth center.  We dive into the importance of understanding your options, creating a meaningful birth plan, and facing your fears head-on.  

Together, we unpack how confidence, mindset, intention, manifestation, and belief systems play a powerful role in shaping your pregnancy and birth journey.  Whether you're preparing for your first baby or planning a different experience this time around, this conversation will inspire you to take ownership of your unapologetic birthing story.

Marya Molette Eddaifi is a Birth Empowerment Coach and seasoned Labor & Delivery Nurse who helps both expecting mothers and birth professionals transform the birth experience. She is the creator of the Natural Birth and Beyond Method, a holistic approach that combines mindset, energy work, and movement to support empowered, connected, and informed births. With a background in emotional release, corrective exercise, and clinical nursing, Marya guides women to prepare for birth with confidence and supports professionals in providing conscious, elevated care.

Connect with Marya: 

Instagram: @maryathebirthcoach

Website: linktr.ee/maryaeddaifi

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 1:17

Hi, welcome back to today's episode of Unapologetic Living. My name is Elizabeth Elliott and I am your hostess and I'm excited to have Mariah, birth empowerment coach and labor and delivery nurse. Welcome, Mariah. Hi, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36

I'm

SPEAKER_01: 1:36

excited to be here. You're welcome. I know that I think we've been in touch for a little while. I've loved your content. Thank you. I am 47. And I have two children. And one was born in a hospital. And then one was born at home. Let's go first. Yes, hospital first. Yeah. And he is now 23. And then my daughter is will be 20 in November. And definitely, you know, for me, it's, Even though I'm so many years past it, he's getting married next week. My son is. Oh, wow. You know, and so, like, despite being past having babies myself, I will have grandbabies. And, of course, my desire would be that they choose a home birth and non-drugged and this, that, and the

SPEAKER_00: 2:39

other.

SPEAKER_01: 2:41

And he, you know, always thought I was just so extreme crazy. And you see more home births and natural births and birth plans and, you know, now than ever before, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 2:55

Yeah, I do think it's the help of social media. I know social media gets a lot of negative, I guess, people say you're on your phone too much or I don't see it that way um I think I use my social media my phone is it's all educational tools for me I think I used to be an avid book reader and I would just be reading a book and I don't see it being any different like I would have my nose in a book and not really taking care of things around the house because I'd be like just one more chapter just one more chapter so I think We have distractions for ourselves, but I think it's the content. That's what's important, right? The content that you're consuming. Is it negative? Is it making you feel small? Or is it scaring you? And so when I decided to do social media for birth coaching, I was completely like... new to it. I barely ever got on social media because I'm 52. So I didn't grow up even like having a cell phone, let alone this access. But I knew that the reach was important. And I started off as a labor and delivery nurse. But As I like, it's been 15 years that I've been a labor and delivery nurse, but I felt just kind of called to like learn more. And it started my very, like first year of nursing, I ended up taking this doula workshop because I felt completely inadequate in helping mothers with unmedicated, not even unmedicated on purpose, but sometimes the the amount of time you have to wait before you even get an epidural. What are you doing in between? And then I've had patients that the epidural didn't work. So what are we gonna do with that? And then I learned more about the body and about fascia and started to really learn the connection between what fascia holds, not just our tissues together, but it's got emotions stored in there as well. And I used to tell moms, like when I was pretty green as a labor and delivery nurse, like, well, it's mind over matter. But even that was not always like, some took it and was able to work with it, and some couldn't. So Around 2013, one of my friends, she said, hey, watch the movie, The Secret. So I was like, okay, I thought it was going to be this movie. And it turns out to be like this kind of documentary about visualization. And I was like, what am I watching? I've never seen anything, but I kind of was like, I kind of like what they're saying. And so I watched it a bunch of times and I started using vision boards and the idea of manifesting had never been in my life before. I had to look up the word. I didn't even, I knew like plain manifestos. And so I was like, I didn't really get it, but I kept going like back to it. And then I sort of hung on to Bob Proctor. And I ended up getting trained by Bob Proctor in personal growth and development. And That was more for me. I was in the Air Force. I spent 24 years in the Air Force, 15, or no, not 15, but just less than that, as a labor and delivery nurse. So half was a medic in the emergency room, and then the other half was labor and delivery. So really, if I'm coming from an area of emergency medicine, this whole new idea of really taking, quote, the pain of birth where in the emergency room, we do nothing but try to stop the pain. So it was a whole new learning lesson for me, but I really realized that women, they feel very powerful when they're choosing this way of birth. And it doesn't matter if it's in a hospital, home, or in a birth center, that if I'm gonna be, quote, birth professional labor and delivery nurse specialist, then I should know how to handle every single scenario of what women desire and be able to support it. So when I started learning from Bob Proctor and that was all about the subconscious mind, the power of our thoughts and how thoughts create things and emotions create behaviors, I started to understand mind over matter on this really deep, deep level. And then the other part was to understand that everybody is raised with programmed beliefs. And they're born, their little minds are sponges for, you know, a good seven years of their life where they're not really critically thinking about these things that they're being told. So they just buy it, they accept it. believe it without question. So they create these habits. Now habits are things we do without even thinking about it, right? The way we tie our shoes, we don't think about it. But when we were four and five, it was like a big deal to try to tie your shoe. And so as we learned from our parents, our environment, our friends, our teachers, our it cultivated belief systems within us and everybody's is different. So I said, that's why some women can take this idea of mind over matter and say, oh, yeah, okay. Because there's something in their subconscious that allowed them to believe in that. And then there's other women that their subconscious is telling them, no, no. And they don't even know where it's coming from because it's so... hidden it came before they had their own conscious power so they're believing things about themselves that they've never questioned that they've never thought um was stopping them from something so i personally feel some of the ideas of like, I want a birth in a hospital, I need, need an epidural is because in their subconscious mind, they don't have the belief that this is something that they can do. And, and that's where my birth empowerment coaching kind of started, because I think some decisions made for your birth are coming from fear, right? Um, even though like, you're like, I would love that, but I can't, I would love to be able to do that, but that's not, I don't have a high pain tolerance. And so there's, there's like what I seen in the birth room. I see so many women say they would have liked to have a natural birth, but they're just too scared. Um, And I mean, this is something I don't think public gets to be a part of. The amount of women that actually do say, I would have liked to, but... And then they kind of go on on the outside to say, no, epidural for me, that's all I want. Even though when they kind of come in, I'm like, what would you like for your kind of birth plan? And they're like, I wanted to, but I don't think I can. I see the desire is there. The desire is there. It's just in secret. They're not announcing it out loud. Some women do announce it out loud, though. So that would be somebody like you, where you said, I'm having a home birth. And that's screaming really loud that I'm going unmedicated with no alternative nearby. And I think that's what scares people is their own paradigm, their own fear. So they tend to project that fear onto people that are choosing alternative ways to birth, and it has nothing to do with you. So when you fully understand that, then you're able to understand that people who are just trying to help, they're not coming from a place of helping you, they're coming from a place of, this makes me uncomfortable. So let me, make myself comfortable again by convincing you to do it in a way that makes me comfortable. So it has nothing to do with your ability, your, um, decision. It's more for them. So if you're saying, you know, I want a home birth or at least a birth center right now, I'm working at a birth center, but I spent my whole career in hospitals, um, That the birth center, even there, we do water birth and we don't, we're not attached to a hospital. We're freestanding. So it's a pretty big deal when you say, I don't want to do this. And you go to the hospital, like we have to call an ambulance. You are very much in the spotlight because you're now showing up at a hospital on a gurney. And that's not common in labor and delivery, not like it is in an emergency room. So that's a big decision for these mothers to make after they've spent all their prenatal care at the clinic and they planned on, you know, they picked a room that, you know, they're like dreaming of this water birth. So why? Why if they have this supportive midwife? Why if they have a doula? Why? If they have all of that, it's because what's in the subconscious mind, they have not visited that. They have not really gone deep to say, what are my feelings about birth? And there could be fears in there that, that don't make sense. There was one girl I helped. I also became a certified emotion code practitioner, which is energy medicine, because there's some hidden things that even through going through my, my I have a four-month program, and it's eight modules. We are on one module for two weeks because repetition is how you're going to shift these subconscious beliefs. So I actually was following her on TikTok, and she was on her third baby, and she was going to her birth center, which was three hours from her house, and she's had unmedicated births before with her two other daughters. And she went and was not progressing. And she was like, it was like a week of prodromal labor that just wouldn't change. So they drove all the way back home. And she was just like, man, like they had to stay in Airbnbs. And it was the whole family. She was like, it was just so much. And so she was really upset. And so I just reached out and I said, I offered her a complimentary emotion code session. because I was wondering like what's stopping her she's had two previous births natural even one was an induction for IUGR the insured uterine growth restricted so she's been Pitocin and she's been birth center and when we were talking and I was just listening to what she was saying she just started to kind of come out with this like, yeah, I don't know. I'm like, are you scared of anything? And she's like, well, like I'm worried that like if something happens and he has to go to a hospital, they're going to have to take him by helicopter. And I'm deathly afraid of flying. So that was what caught me. I'm like, is something, you're at a birth center or something going on with your son? She's like, no. And I said, so everything's healthy, low risk, yes. And it was, it turned out like what we released, the trapped emotions, her fear, even though she was in a supportive environment, the fear of flying was really like stopping her from progressing because she was so afraid that if something went wrong, And he had to go to a children's hospital in a helicopter. She didn't know if she could get in the helicopter and go with him. And so we released that fear. And I didn't know her. I just reached out. She's a random TikTok person. We're friends now, though. And she... She told me she wasn't saying anything to me, but kind of near the end of our session, because I usually take about 90 minutes to do a whole it's emotion and body code session. And she was. feeling contractions, but she was like, I don't know. Like, could it be this? I don't know. She's like, but I've been having contractions anyway. So maybe they're just starting back up. So she went through the whole night, just feeling the contractions and not really believing them. And then the next morning she was like, you know, maybe these are getting real. So she calls her husband. She says, Hey, like, I don't, like he probably should come back home. He was at work and she's like, and we'll head to the birth center. So he's coming back home. And then she's like, I don't think I can drive three hours. I don't think this is going to happen. So she started running the tub and birth her baby with her midwife on the phone, her husband with her, her mom was there watching her other kids, but still in the, bathroom with them and she had a water birth and she was like for one she told me afterwards like she's like I had no fear none and and I didn't like even postpartum she's like I don't even think I bled. Like, you know, she got tinctures in case of something because it was her third baby and her second baby with it being an induction. She ended up with heavier bleeding and when it like a hemorrhage, but not severe where she was getting blood products back. So she was being as cautious as she could. And she said the other thing she noticed that she felt was she said, I was bleeding. I was feeling so powerful that I realized that I didn't need my doula. I didn't need anybody. And I loved having my husband there, like I was hanging on to him, but I really felt in my power. And then she said that she had been, even though she experienced unmedicated births, she said, I just kept feeling like I'm still not getting that power that magic. And so she's like, then I would want another baby. Cause I knew like birth is magical. And so this birth was her magical birth. And she said it was because I didn't fear. And I felt so powerful. And I, I don't feel like I need to have another baby now. Like it was, it was like that. That was almost like, You know, sometimes you're like, I know it's there. I know it. I just know it. So you keep looking for it. And that's what she was kind of doing with her birth experiences was knowing that it's powerful. It's supposed to be empowering. You're supposed to feel in your power. But especially her birth at the hospital, as much as they respected her desire for unmedicated, she was in the tub. And when it got to pushing, they really like made her get out of the tub when she didn't want to. So she didn't feel in her power. And that was the one thing I've learned. So I do fascia release type of body work for women in pregnancy, because there's a lot of things I learned over time that I'm like, how we prep is very important to the outcome. And there was one client I had, she had come to me because her back was killing her. She was 41 weeks, I think, maybe even going into 42. But I think it was like baby number five for her. She'd done all natural births. And what I learned from her was natural doesn't always mean empowering. And she said, like, I chose natural because I think it's like, if you were to do hospital or birth center, I would To her, it was almost too, like the lesser evil. And it was only because she was like, I just feel so alone. I feel so alone. Like nobody can help me do this. Even though my doula and my husband are there with me, I feel alone. And so we kind of visited that limiting belief of the alone. And really, I think when we kind of, she had an emotional release with that. And I said, you know, that is something. I said, this is what's empowering about birth is nobody can do it for you. So if you can see that as this is your power and they just don't, get to watch the amazing things your body can do. They're just there for the support. They're your cheerleaders. They're there to witness how strong you are. And that even though they're literally not able to do this for you, that's the power you have. So she left feeling really, really good. And then she actually birthed a day later with and she's like, I had no back pain. She was so happy with the no back pain, because she could barely put on her shoes. But that was that was like another lesson for me is like, you know, And her births weren't traumatic or anything like that, but she's like, they just haven't really been, you know, mystical and magical. And she's like, and I was like, you know, how is that? You know, we go into the asking the open-ended questions to try to find what that hidden limiting belief was and that she really felt alone. in her in her birth and it was because it was so intense like that when it when you get to that second stage right it's so intense and she's was just like it was just something i didn't want to do by myself and i said well that you know that's that's something that you have to do by yourself and And you may even have felt like that even if you had an epidural, right? Because it's like somebody, you know, sometimes we're like, could you just do this for me? Like, I just can't. And we can feel like that whether we're medicated or unmedicated. It's how you feel about yourself, how you feel about, is this powerful? And so going through that was... with her was something that now i keep that in mind of not making the assumption because somebody chose a natural birth had their natural birth at wherever they wanted it all looks good and you know the dream looks like she had it but i like to make sure did you did it feel as powerful as you thought it was supposed to feel because you know when you're watching like badass mother birther and videos like that, where they're so, you know, like just kind of watching women in their power doing it. You may be on the other side going, that's how mine's supposed to look. And then it doesn't really feel that way or look that way to you. And then you feel a bit confused about, was that like, the birth that I had dreamed of? No. So you sort of take that away because of the visions that you saw that you thought your birth should look like. So there's a lot of things like how we interpret. That's why it's like, what are you feeling when you are watching some of these meant to be inspirational videos? If you're feeling inspired, keep watching. If you're feeling unsure then you probably shouldn't watch them and then you should look at inside why am I why do I feel so unsure about that what's happening inside of me and that's the one thing that I really like wanted to bring to my birth coaching is to say let's look at the real inner you and your real subconscious beliefs because We want to make sure that when you are in labor, those don't show up. Because they will show up if you have suppressed them and suppressed them and suppressed them. They show up when you're most vulnerable because in labor, you know, you go into your primal brain. And that's when all your subconscious is like, there's no hold on that. You can't consciously hold on. these fears in your subconscious mind and progress. So they come out and then you start to kind of like lose it, right? You start doubting yourself or getting really scared and not wanting to progress or not wanting to feel it. And that's sometimes when I see some birth, like birth center transfers to hospitals, it's because of that. And then working through that after is painful for them because they had that that dream and to make that decision they have to make that decision you know because there's there's everything's fine right she is fine baby is fine there's no need to be in a hospital but she's not like it's not, she's not feeling sure about herself or she's just too tired or, you know, it's been going on for too long for her. And so she's got to make a very tough decision that I like to visit later to say, you know, let's debrief about it because I'm sure that wasn't easy. And how do we help her not feel traumatized by that situation? So

SPEAKER_01: 27:33

I can relate. I've had two births. One was in a hospital, which, and I have scoliosis and a spinal fusion. And so my mother had three unmedicated hypnosis births. And so it was already kind of in my mind that that might be something I would be looking at. But then it solidified it for me when she, I don't know, she popped into work one day and she said, you know, my oncologist said, you cannot have an epidural with your spine. And so at that point I was, there was no alternative to me in my head.

SPEAKER_00: 28:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 28:18

Yeah. And of course I randomly found out I was pregnant like two weeks later. I was like, that's the way the universe works for me. Right.

UNKNOWN: 28:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 28:25

But, you know, after that experience, it didn't exactly go as I had planned. I was really elated. I felt like I was I felt still felt very empowered. But I know that I think like I feel like in hindsight, I chose the wrong doula. I don't think I knew that I would drop down to that primal brain as easily. you know, in the way that I did. I would not have had my parents outside in the hallway. You know, I felt inhibited in the moans and the sounds that I needed to make.

SPEAKER_00: 29:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 29:04

And then I kept cussing.

SPEAKER_00: 29:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 29:06

This woman that I'd hired was just so dainty and soft. And I knew the second time I'm getting a badass who's going to look me in the face and tell me and help me through the hard parts.

SPEAKER_00: 29:18

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 29:20

And so I ended up with having some, I had Pitocin, wasn't really progressing. And then I had given myself permission, which probably that alone, just the thoughts of like, okay, if it gets bad, I'll have Demerol.

SPEAKER_00: 32:20

And then

SPEAKER_01: 32:22

things totally shifted. The room started spinning. Like I had smoked marijuana and drank five beers and, you know, my birth plan changed. Kind of went out the window. Everything came. I got to feel his head, some things that I had wanted. But after that, like it kind of goes hazy. Yeah. And and so I became very curious and went through a doula training. I didn't stay with it, but I read and read and read.

SPEAKER_00: 32:51

Me too. Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 32:52

And, you know, and then to understand that my, I, you know, I water broke. It could have, I could have waited longer. Had nobody been sticking their hands in me. You know, these things you don't know. And actually you don't have to have one freaking vaginal exam and no one's telling you these things. Right.

SPEAKER_00: 33:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 33:09

And so that's where I, you know, I was like, okay. And then that the hospitals are potentially meeting quotas.

UNKNOWN: 33:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 33:17

Right. So whether you need that intervention or not, if the hospital needs to meet a quota, it will do it with you.

SPEAKER_00: 33:24

I think, too, there's there is a true belief that these are good for you. Like it's like the I feel like that. The the nurses that come in and maybe they're completely blank slates. this is what they get taught. So they totally buy into it. Now, I'm not like some don't and some nurses have even labor and delivery nurses have had their own home births. But unless they've kind of experienced things like that, or been around people that have natural, like, they don't know what different is, they don't see it. So when, when I went from the hospital to the birthing center and I had, I'd always wanted to work in a birthing center. I was, I realized like, I've never seen a water birth. I've seen women in tubs. I've seen natural birth, but I've never witnessed a tub birth. So what do we do after? How long do we sit there? I was all like, I have no idea. You know, I didn't really even think about it. So Those are things, too, that the interventions to nurses and doctors, they will literally believe this is the best for you because they have never seen something different. And there's a really good documentary. It's called Birth Time. And I think they made it, or it was released around 2018, so it's one of our newer ones. And they spoke to the families and the husbands, and they're what they witnessed right and they were like yeah like we took all the birthing classes and how to do and really thought we were prepared he's like but wow they really railroad you when you get in the hospital like I just didn't even I didn't even know I thought I knew but I didn't know how to advocate for her because it was I just I just felt like I didn't I I was like not as smart as the nurses and the doctors kind of thing and you know, from that documentary, I was like thinking also to, uh, in like including the partners with the mindset stuff as well, because when they were, um, you know, interviewing the, the word railroad stuck with me, I was like, yeah, we do that big time. Like we sound all nice, but it's very manipulative and, You know, this is, you know, well, we could do that, but this is so much better. And then they're like, I, this is territory I've never been in. I'm just going to trust you. And then they lose that role they were going to play. And then they have to sit with that. And so that was something for me that I just thought, you know, it's everything, like, in birth empowerment coaching, it's not just for her, it's for them, right? Because he plays a part of what she, the decision she makes. Like in a way, like kind of how you were like, my family was outside the room and you're thinking now it's like, I realized, you know, especially I've seen like women in labor and checking in with their, husband like are you okay did you eat I know you must be tired that must be so uncomfortable for you and it's like that's not where she needs to be and and it's it's something that does like play a big role in sort of how things unfold so it's a very um it's a delicate line right where

SPEAKER_01: 37:47

Yeah, I mean, I recall clearly apologizing to the doula for cursing over and over and over again. You know, it was this underlying, and I was a, I cursed.

SPEAKER_00: 37:59

Yeah, me too. And

SPEAKER_01: 38:00

so, you know, but I found myself feeling almost bad about it. And, you know, it was a learning experience. I still, again, felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt like really good about the experience. experience, generally speaking. And I had done all my I've done as at this time, I was in Kentucky. And the only way to have anything close to a midwife, if I wasn't going to go the home birth route, was to drive across the river to Indiana.

SPEAKER_00: 38:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 38:34

And so and and I switched five months in, and they the doctor was looked me dead in the face. We're not a fan of birth plans. We're not a fan of doulas. We're not a fan of natural. So, and I thought, well, shit.

SPEAKER_00: 38:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 38:49

I better. And then randomly universe, I was waiting tables and these two certified nurse midwives walked in. Can we touch your belly? And then all of a sudden I learned about, I didn't know. I didn't know what to even look for something like a certified nurse.

SPEAKER_00: 39:02

Yeah. You know, it's funny that you bring that up because I, in my birth coaching, it has, its focus is subconscious mind. And I say, you know, sometimes, because I had to kind of visit the idea of law of attraction in birth. And I'm, my system for birth is a military facility. And Like you don't get to pick your doctor. Like it's just who's there. Some facilities have nurse midwives. Some have like providers that kind of act like nurse midwives. Like there's a variation. So I used to say like it's not really the letters behind their name. You have to like get to know them. But in the military system, you don't choose your provider. You just hope for your provider. So I teach like visualizing how you want to feel in your birth. And it's that feeling that will send out the message to the universe. And then you will get whoever it is that needs to be there to help you achieve that feeling. So when we get too stuck on, I just don't want that, I just don't want this, I just don't want, then that's the feeling you set out and that's what is gonna come back. And when a lot of people don't truly understand the power of their mind, we are manifesting 24 seven, whether we know it or not. So when they say you're either manifesting by intention or by default, And when you manifest by default, like that's where you're just not setting intentions and you're just thinking and ruminating on things. And then those things kind of keep showing up and you're like frustrated by it, not realizing that it's the default that's bringing that to you. So if you shift that default to intention and then you to actually reach for the feeling. It's always about the feeling, because that's the vibration that gets sent out to the universe. So it's like, what is the feeling you want for your birth that's so important for you to visit? And not like what the vision in a sense of like, I want to have perfect twinkly lights. I want to have this water birth, and I want to have this doula and that midwife. This dual and that midwife, like you said, may not be the one for you to experience the feeling you want to feel, right? So this is like, I give my clients a journal that I created. And I'm like, write in it every day, your vision for your birth. And it usually starts out pretty like superficial, but as we get deeper into the work, then it starts to get more detailed and more of how you want to feel versus what you want to see. And it's a process though, because we're not used to doing things like this. But that process, that's what successful people use they, you know, they, you know, that how they'll say, like, if you want to feel rich, go sit in a Lamborghini, and pretend it's yours. Right. So I took that idea and say, if you want to feel powerful in your birth, then visit your birth as an empowered woman, and see your birth the way you want. But maybe if it comes to it, like your doula, doesn't have a face there's just a powerful doula there that is just right for you the provider doesn't have a face but they are the ones that show up exactly how you need it and the universe will work it out you could even be like oh i'm i'm having my baby and the worst doctor on the floor is on but the universe knows that you've been calling for this perfect birth um like you can't plan better than the universe. And so you're like, all of a sudden, that doctor has to go do some kind of surgery. And then another doctor will come in just to deliver your baby and then leave. And you were like, perfect. So it's like, sometimes it's like, you know, especially when I think about the military facilities, like they're not really getting a choice. But what can happen is, The universe is just playing it like baby's going to be born on this day. This is how it's going to roll in. But don't worry, that person's going to go away and the right person for you is going to show up and you're going to be fine. And so you have to trust in the process of the power of the mind so that you are in a vibration of certainty that everything's working out for you. If that doctor's on, guess what? He won't be in my room when I birth. I know it. That's what I've got planned in the sense of vibration. And even I just don't want that doctor. We usually have to work through that to say whenever you're saying I just don't want or my biggest fear, that is your subconscious mind, the dominant thought, that's your dominant vibration. And even though you'll try not to... think about it, it's the feeling. So you really have to shift the feeling. And I've had some doulas will ask me, they'll say, well, my client, she doesn't even wanna say the word C-section. I said, well, if you don't visit that, then that's gonna be her dominant fear and that will show up. So you have to visit the fear of, I just don't wanna C-section, it's my worst fear, Sometimes you have to go say, well, imagine you had a C-section. And then what? And then what? And then what? And then once they've kind of gone through the visiting of the worst possible scenario, and then feeling it, crying about it, releasing it, now it no longer grips them. So now it's not even a fear for them anymore. So now that's gone. And I heard something. I was from Neville Goddard, a big Neville Goddard.

SPEAKER_01: 46:05

Oh, my God, I love him.

SPEAKER_00: 46:06

Yes. Oh, so I listened to his YouTube stuff. And yesterday, let me get the quote out, because I was like, this is the most perfect quote I've heard that I can use for birth. And it said, You can acknowledge a potential danger without living in fear of it.

SPEAKER_01: 46:33

Oh, I saw you post that.

SPEAKER_00: 46:34

Yes. And I was like, that's exactly what I'm trying to say when it comes to birth. We can acknowledge risk, but we do not have to fear it. It's the same as like getting in a car. We acknowledge that there's potentials for car accidents, but we don't fear them. And those who do fear it don't get in cars. Same with planes. Same with like just doing things where there's risk to it. We're like, I know there's a risk, but I don't fear it. Why is it when it comes to birth that that doesn't seem to be acceptable? That they want you to fear. They want you to be scared. They want you to do what's safe. And what's safe does not mean good right

SPEAKER_01: 47:27

it doesn't even necessarily mean safe

SPEAKER_00: 47:30

right it's safe for like when you think of program beliefs

SPEAKER_01: 47:34

right

SPEAKER_00: 47:35

for that person telling you it's safe it's because they believe it's safe and for you you're like i don't believe that's safe so you have these this person projecting their fear onto you but because they're in a state of hierarchy being a doctor you go i really don't agree but Man, you're the doctor. You know, maybe you do know more than me. Or you're like, no, I believe this. But then your partner is like, well, well, they're a doctor, dear. Maybe we should listen to them, too. And then you're like, you know, this the person who's supposed to support you the most is just as scared as the doctor. So then you're kind of by yourself in that sense of believing in yourself and and you're like some. don't have the conviction to just say well fuck you i'm doing it anyway right some will say well my husband really wants to but when i see that my husband doesn't want him i'm like that's a that's a scapegoat your subconscious mind doesn't want to either Your fear doesn't want to either, but your conscious mind of this dream birth that you really want to see for you, I really want to, but your subconscious mind is like, we're too scared. So then you say, oh, my husband, oh, my doctor, like you start to let them tell you what to do with like, what can I do? And it's really, that's when it's like, well, let's look at what your real belief is. That's usually like lesson two in my program. It's called Know Your Why. Why do you want to do this? This is deeper than because it's good for me and the baby. It's much, much deeper than that. So when you want to know your why, you got to really look at your confidence in the birth process itself as a raw, primal, no help around. How do you feel if you were by yourself? giving birth

SPEAKER_01: 53:39

yeah and you are in those spaces it becomes a little bit uncomfortable or intimidating or it can be it can feel that way um i i attended i i want to touch on a couple things the subconscious that you mentioned i i did pam england's um birthing from within um I took her workshop twice, the certification. Are you familiar with her?

SPEAKER_00: 54:03

No, I'm not. But I've read Mindful Birthing. So I wonder if it's...

SPEAKER_01: 54:08

It might be similar, but she has a book called Birthing From Within. I

SPEAKER_00: 54:12

think I have heard that. I think I probably even have it, but I haven't

SPEAKER_01: 54:16

read it. Right, but she does. She really talks about, just as you mentioned, the one thing that I don't recall is really getting in touch with the feeling, but... I know the mission behind her work was that you walked away from whatever birth experience that you had empowered. And so one of the activities that we had to do was go into that fear and what coping tools, what's going to be, like you said, what next, right? And for me, I happened to take it when I wasn't pregnant. I also happened to take it again when I was pregnant and my fear was having a stillborn baby because right after my first was born, I learned of about five babies that were stillborn. So then that just kind of sat with me for three years until I, you know, and once I, I didn't know what I was going to tell my three-year-old if his sister didn't make it here.

SPEAKER_00: 55:24

Once

SPEAKER_01: 55:25

I had, like I journaled that night, the day before she was born,

SPEAKER_00: 55:29

I

SPEAKER_01: 55:30

knew it was keeping me from being able to just let go and have her.

SPEAKER_00: 55:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 55:35

And as soon as I knew what I was going to tell him in this beautiful Waldorf way with like, Oh, she just wasn't ready to come down the rainbow bridge yet. She's going to come back later. Blah. I had her. I had her.

SPEAKER_00: 55:49

Yeah. Like my, the friend with the fear of the flying. Yeah. Cause she did. She, Had her baby the next day after our emotion code. Yeah. And that's how powerful your subconscious is. And I didn't get that idea. A lot of the... Honestly, everything I'm bringing in from the subconscious mind, I never learned from any birth person. So the thing about visiting the fear, I learned his name was Bill Ferguson. And it was a long time ago. And I was wanting a divorce in my life. And... just very afraid to take the steps. And I was listening to him and he was like, imagine getting divorced. Then what? Imagine after your divorce, like being the brokest of the broke. Imagine like, imagine, just go to that fear. What happens if you get divorced? And what's the worst that could happen after your divorce? What's the worst that could happen if you lose all your money? What's the worst that could happen? So I started to do that because when you hit the wall, what could happen? And then you see yourself past the wall to say, well, this is what I would do. Then you don't fear it. And because you don't fear it, so this is Abraham Hicks. You don't fear it. You... Don't think about it. So then it's not your dominant thought because we get what we think about whether we want it or not. That's what Abraham Hicks says all the time. And that becomes where you're scared is that you have to face it. And if you face it in, um, in your own mind and then say, okay, what will happen after? And then what will happen after that? And then what will happen after that? And then you're like, okay, not saying you want that to happen, but you now know you're going to be okay if it does. So then you'll say, okay, now I don't have to worry about this anymore. So that stops being your dominant thought. And it's Abraham Hicks that says, feel your weight. to whatever you want. It's all vibration. And when we're saying one thing, now this is what Bob Proctor taught me, it's like the knowing-doing gap. We know things, but we don't do things. Or we do things knowing we shouldn't be doing things because we know there's a knowing-doing gap. So we know we shouldn't ingest fear-based things information while we're pregnant, but we do anyway. We know we shouldn't have those people around that are totally doubting us, but we don't set a boundary anyway. So that knowing doing gap is something that we just doesn't even have to be about birth, right? It could be I'm always late, I'm always late, you know, you're late, what are you going to do about it? nothing. I'm just going to say I'm always late and be always late and make people mad at me. So when I was learning all of this for myself, I started to say, this is where I see it being so important in birth. So knowing and doing are two different things. And we can know things about what we should be doing for our pregnancy, but we don't do them. And then we kind of Harbor thoughts of fear, harbor thoughts of doubt, of worry. And that must have been a very strong moment for you making a journal entry about losing your baby. And what would you do afterwards? Because that's where they don't want to go. Because that's really the ultimate. There's a book called Letting Go by Dr. David R. Hawkins.

SPEAKER_01: 1:00:53

Oh, yeah, I have that one.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:55

Yes. And that's where he's like, visit the fear. cry it out, let the feeling go, and then it won't hold you so much. And this is what I feel women experience in pregnancy and birth is the grip of fear. Even when they try to say, I'm not going to be scared of this, they got They got information coming their way about being scared of it, either from people, from books, from social media, from their doctor, from friends, and from their own paradigm, their own belief about birth, because they saw maybe they, and it could have been something, you're five years old, your mom's watching a soap opera, and this girl has a very traumatic birth, and that sticks in your mind. And then when you're an adult, that's what you see that just stayed in there. So we don't know oftentimes where the belief came from. But we have to visit to make sure that it's not hiding in there. And journaling is part of what I recommend in the program that I have. It's not just journaling, but it's also... Um, we'll do, since I'm do the certified emotion code, we do that too. Cause maybe you don't see it and, and you're just going like, I don't know why I just feel this way. So how are we going to get rid of it? You can visit the fear. We can use emotion code. Um, you can journal. There's many, many ways that you can do. And there's another book called fear feelings buried alive, never die.

SPEAKER_01: 1:02:41

Oh yeah. I have that one too. I haven't

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:43

read that one. There's a, there's an exercise where when I, when, cause some people talk about affirmations, like I, you know, I'm strong, I am capable, but if the subconscious mind does not really believe that it has an exercise to like gradually get into it. Like I feel strong and I, And so you're just saying, I feel strong, not I am, because you're not ready to accept that belief. So you have to accept the belief. But just by throwing out, I am capable, your subconscious mind is like, no, we're not. No, we're not. Well, I'm just going to keep saying I'm capable. And then you have, I think it's more, maybe it's Neville Goddard, who's like, if you keep saying an affirmation, it means that you still believe it. You still believe what you're trying to affirm. So affirmations for me are, they're something that we use, but we don't use it every day saying the same thing over because it's almost like the more you say it, that means you still don't believe it. Because once you believe something, why are you going to say it? You don't need to anymore, right? And so as I've come up with the... all my mindset coaching from Bob Proctor and my other mentor was Kathleen Cameron, was now I'm at a level that I don't ask people their opinion or their advice because I know it's not coming from me. It's coming from them. So their paradigm, their program belief is theirs. Mine is mine. So I don't ever ask. for somebody's opinion about something that I really want to do. I have to ask me, what is my real belief? Can I do it? Do I really think I'm capable? Am I able? And that's where you find your power. Because then you know, it's like, I know, I know that I know, I know. I think it's Lisa Nichols says this in The Secret. She's like, I know, like, I know, like, I know. And that I really get now. I know, like I know, like I know, because I learned to feel my vibration. I learned to feel like when I know something's right, I get a bubbly feeling. And I know when something's not right for me, I can't find any interest in it. I like, you know, I don't know. I just it's not making me excited. So then I know, maybe not right now. But usually, and that takes kind of practice if you have never trusted yourself, and you have always looked to your mother or your father or your bigger sister or somebody that you think, oh, they're so knowledgeable. I can only trust what they say. And we do that with doctors. We do that with nurses. We do that with even our midwives, right? To say they know better than me when really you know better than anybody what's inside of you. So you have to trust that and then learn to verbalize it, learn to communicate. That's right. You know, like, when you're talking to your doctor can be very intimidating, because you want to say something that you think they're going to scoff at, like your doctor, the one that was like, we don't like birth plans. And that leaves you with like, what is left for me to say to you? Because obviously, like there, we can't communicate because birth plans are birth communication tools. And when you get to a hospital, you don't know the nurses and all you have is a paper that communicates to them what you want. So like, what is it that is so unnecessary to not be in agreement with? Because I can say it verbally or I can write it on a paper, but guess what? I'm going to be in labor. I'm going to be vulnerable. I don't want to talk to you about my birth plan at that time. I want to talk to you about it now. I'm sorry. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:12

Hold on. I guess I had a random neighbor who decided he had to say hello to me today. I mean, like, that was weird. No, no. Come on. Come on, everybody. So I want to talk a little bit about you offer a class.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:39

Right. The birth plan party.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07:42

Well, you said a birth plan party, but you've also talked about, right? You've mentioned, do you offer something online to help women get ready virtually? Or did I misunderstand?

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:52

Mine's virtually, I have two options for it's birth empowerment coaching. It's all about preparing the mindset. Okay. So there's two options. You can do a self, a self study one. And virtual with me where we do coaching every week, one on one. And then I do the emotion code and things like that. So I made two avenues because I know like there's budgets that allow people to do things or they're not able to. So the self, the self study is the program that I facilitate, you just have to do it on your own. And the program when I go through it with you, like, we will meet every week to talk about that lesson. And usually what happens why I spend two weeks is for one, the repetition, because there's videos and and action plan guide. So The videos are meant to watch two times a day. They're short, but it's about giving information. So Bob Proctor had this really great way of doing a visual of that. He took two glasses of water. One glass of water was brown and one glass was clear, clear water, nothing in it. And he took a teaspoon of the clear water and he put it in the brown water. And he says... Now, do you see anything different? And audience member says, no, it looks the same. And he said, well, because we use our senses, our hearing, seeing, smell, taste, touch to kind of give us information, we tend to believe that, but we know that's not true. So when I put a teaspoon of clear water in the brown water, you know that it's actually now a different color. It's a little bit lighter. You don't see it with the eye, but you know it theoretically because I just put that clear water. So that would be like watching the video one time a week, right? You just get a little bit. But if you do this every day, multiple times a day, the clear water starts to overtake the brown water and starts to change the color of it. So what you didn't see before was still happening inside. But the more you watch, the more repetition you use, not only do you change inside, but you change outside. So watching the videos twice a day at least. One video, we stay on for two weeks. That's a lot of listening to me say the same thing over and over again. But then the first week when we meet, I notice they typically have like kind of superficial like ideas, answering the questions. And then what I help them do is take it down further because I'll hear them say certain things and I'm like, let's visit that. So then they say, okay, now that I've got this new perspective of what I thought I was hearing before, now I'm going to listen to these videos again with a new outlook for the next week. And then we meet after that to say, you know, how was that? And do they feel solid now? because it has to be like, oh, you have to suppress it in that subconscious mind to really have a true paradigm shift. And then we'll move on to the next lesson and do the same thing. So it's a lot of like the coaching aspect of it brings you to a new awareness. And even taking those ideas because I took them from Bob Proctor. You want to use them in other aspects of your life. They are totally applicable. So I noticed a lot of birth classes are just like birth, do this for birth, do this for birth. And I'm like, I didn't want it to go that way because I know they're all out there doing that. I wanted to go in a way that changed you. So when you became a mother, you changed. were in your power and and then you take the things that we learn and you start teaching them to your babies right so that they don't have limiting self-doubt beliefs things like that so that's why um i go so slow Because for some people, especially if they've had a lot of trauma, and I've had a lot of trauma training too. I did when survivors give birth twice. I did a nine month cohort with Lynn Schulte. It was called the birth healing intensive. So I've done a lot of my own training because I know that when my client's Some are going to be like, I had a great life. I just, I just want to feel empowered. And then you have some that are like, I want to heal. And I had a patient, she was a young mother, but she was on her second baby. And I read in her chart, like she had her first baby when she was about 16. And, um, I was like, um, thinking about my sister who had a baby when she was 16 and it was a very abusive relationship it was um not like not a you know I guess like for a 16 year old like that my mom was there for us but the her boyfriend just ended up like we didn't know in the beginning that he was abusing her we just thought they would fight so i thought about my sister when i was thinking about this patient and she came in it's an you know a new partner um she was like i don't um i don't really want to have like induction stuff but she came in for an induction but she was contracting And she was like, so do I have to have an IV? Do I have to have this and that, like everything the doctor was ordering? And I said, well, I mean, the plan was to give you Pitocin and the only way to give it to you is through an IV. And she was like, well, all right. So she accepted the IV, but she was still contracting. And so the doctor said, she was a great doctor. She was one of the good eggs. She said, Let's just see what she does. And then she said, well, I also want to go natural. And I said, okay. I brought in a ball. I brought in like, here's how you can use the bed. And she just like stayed on the bed, just frozen. I was like, well, you kind of need to get up and move around or it's not going to be very easy. And she's like, okay. And then I go check on her again and she's still laying in the bed. And she's like, this is really hurting. You know, what do you think I could do? And I'm like, well, there's the ball. I'm thinking like, I'm kind of giving you some stuff. And then I just, I'm a pretty like straightforward person. So I just said to her like, why do you want to do this? Because you're not doing anything things that i've recommended so why do you want to why do you want to go natural and she says to me i don't know i guess like i heard you can heal from that and i was like we're gonna do this like she was just looking to heal from her first birth that was 11 years ago 11 years. Like we don't forget our births.

SPEAKER_01: 1:16:19

I know. That's what I was going to say. I remember when I went through that doula training, the Penny Simpon, like almost to AT people do not forget. And they almost remember them more clearly than they do their wedding day. The women.

SPEAKER_00: 1:16:32

And how you felt. There was a big feeling for me. Yeah. And when she said, so she could heal, I was like, We're going to do this. So I have a little like it's a mantra. So I said, well, what are you feeling right now? So I just don't feel strong. I said, all right. So we're going to say this. I'm increasing my capacity for strength by being strong now. And so that's what she was saying. And then she was like, oh, can I go in the shower? And then she's in the shower. I just feel like I can't relax. And I said, all right. I'm increasing my capacity to relax by being relaxed now. And so we did that. And then she went on the toilet and then she was sitting there and she goes like, can I go lay down? And I was like, yeah, of course you can. So we go over. So she did the shower because we didn't have a tub in that room. She sat on the toilet for a bit and then she went and laid down. And she was laying on her side and she was just like, oh, like, I kind of feel like I have to push, but she was sort of fighting it. And I was like, I said, just go into it. And she says, I'm just scared of tearing. And I said, you're not going to tear. I got mineral and a warm washcloth. You're going to be fine. And she's like, okay. And then she delivered her baby. So she came in at 7 p.m. with some contractions. And she delivered her baby by 1.30. And like... Yeah, like

SPEAKER_01: 1:18:10

five hours, six hours.

SPEAKER_00: 1:18:11

Yeah. Yeah. And we never, never started Pitocin. And I hope that she had the healing experience. I didn't ask her. Like, you know, I just hope she left her, like this second birth experience with the healing feeling that she was, she was desiring from her previous birth. So, and that was, that was something to me that was like giving them that, right? Just being, understanding what their purpose, why do they want to do this? Because, Some are like, why do I want to, because like I've, I heard one girl, like she was really struggling and her husband was like, you know, oh, you don't have, you know, you don't have to do this. And she was like, no, like they kind of like, they all told me no. So I want to do it. And sometimes I don't think that's, that's the, the right reason to go into a non-medicated birth just to show people that, you can because she she was not coping well at all it was really hard to bring her in and that can be traumatizing for women where it was like well i did it but in their you know in the in the quiet moments they didn't get the power from it

SPEAKER_01: 1:19:47

right yeah

SPEAKER_00: 1:19:48

so your why is so so important and And I remember for my experience, like I was pretty ignorant with birth altogether. I was 22. This was in 95. So I did not, I didn't so much as read a book. I was like, I guess doctors will take care of me, I guess. And it was the feeling that I felt really talked down upon. I didn't feel supported. I felt like I was inconveniencing them. And they, it was an induction for oligo, which turned into a C-section. It went to like non-reassuring fetal heart tones and a C-section. I wasn't upset about the C-section because I was so ignorant about birth, period. I didn't even know what I wanted. But it was the way they talked to me that I remembered. And I was like, I didn't like the way they talked to me. So I went home just feeling like this was birth. This was like what was supposed to be so great. It wasn't great. I didn't like it. And I didn't become a labor and delivery nurse till my son was 15. And when I started to watch women have nice births, I was like, mine didn't go that way. I'd never seen a birth, just my own. I was like, mine didn't go that way. Nobody was that nice to me. And that's why I started to say, Oh, all my patients are going to experience what I experienced. And that's why I was so set on, like being that special. Like you're a labor and delivery nurse, that is a specialty. So you should be able to know what to do with every single type of patient. If one doesn't want to have cervical checks, fine. Learn how to read the body. It's that simple. And that's just a skill we're not taught. And if we don't get to see it a lot, we're not very good at knowing if somebody's progressing without checking.

UNKNOWN: 1:22:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:22:04

or even as nurses trusting our own sense and making sure that what we're feeling we don't kind of lay on our patient right so it's like if I'm feeling scared because I don't know if I've checked her cervix is this baby coming like That gets projected usually onto the patient. And then it's like, can we just check? Can we just check? Can we just check? You know, instead of sitting back to say, wow, I'm really uncomfortable with this. Maybe I should learn more. You know, like they want to teach us about shoulder dystocias and like medical things, but there's no real standardized therapy teaching in the hospital to help nurses understand what natural looks like and to be comfortable with a woman who wants to express her pain without offering an epidural. Right. Yeah. Just sitting back to be like,

SPEAKER_01: 1:23:06

you

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:06

know, like how you said you wanted to swear. I had a client.

SPEAKER_01: 1:23:11

I mean, when I had transitioned, even at home, I looked at my doula, I was sitting at the, on the ball and, across from her screaming, what the fuck was I thinking? And she's like, you're there. Come on. Yeah. We're going upstairs in just a minute. And I mean, and she came so quick. I mean, she was born in three, three hours, but yeah, that's quick. And it, you know, I still was looking for that true magic and didn't get it. And, um, And I always wanted a third for the big magical birth. I mean, I love my birth, right?

SPEAKER_00: 1:23:52

Yeah, that was exactly what my friend said. She was very proud of herself. She had a birth center birth, the hospital birth. She was really proud of herself because she's like, I did it through Pitocin. She's like, but there was just something that I didn't get from those two births that made me want to do it again.

SPEAKER_01: 1:24:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24:12

and find it. And I do think it's really through the power of our mind that we are not, like we're just not taught. I didn't learn this till I was in my late 40s, right? I learned, so when I was 40 when I watched The Secret and I was probably about 45 or 46 when I started to get more deeper into it. So to me, I was like, imagine a young girl, like just knowing this, what it would do for her birth. And that's what I bring to my program. It is that so that one of, one of my clients, she was actually a labor and delivery nurse and we did, we worked together. So I was like teaching her to walk away at the nurse's station when things were negative to believe, um, And like she was creeping into hypertension. So I was like, you have to believe you're healthy, not I hope I don't get induced for hypertension. And then she wanted or, quote, needed an epidural. She thought she needed an epidural. I said, you don't need anything. So then it became her power to say, I'll decide when it's time if I want one. Not I need one when I get through the door. She, that all went away. And then when she birthed her baby, I wasn't there. I don't need to be there when your mind is right. Right. You don't, you don't need it. So she, she was actually supposed to come to my house for body work the day before, but I wasn't feeling well. So she's like, I was like, it's probably, you know, if I'm sick with something I'm, I don't want you to catch it. So she's like, okay. But the next day she morning, she was like, I think something's going on. So she went, you know, she went to the hospital where she worked. Right. And ended up. So she said when she thought something, it was her first baby too. When she thought something was going on, it was about five in the morning and she delivered her baby by two 30 in the afternoon. And then she just said like, I feel so powerful. And that went into her postpartum. She loved her postpartum. She was like, you know, I've seen people have good pregnancies, wonderful births, and then their postpartum is horrible. And so me, what I was doing is like, I want the whole peripartum part for you to be nothing but enjoyable, empowering. And something that turns you into somebody you didn't even know you could be. That power in you so that even after your babies, if you thought about a certain career, I'm going to go after it because you have that self-confidence, your self-image.

SPEAKER_01: 1:27:26

Uh-oh, hold on. You're frozen. Can you hear me? I don't know if

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:34

it's me. Powerful. Enjoying the pregnancy. Powerful in your birth. And then even in your postpartum, you carry that with you. So that's why it's called the natural birth and beyond.

SPEAKER_01: 1:27:44

It's

SPEAKER_00: 1:27:45

beyond the birth. And it all really is from my mindset training with... It started with Bob Proctor, but of course, then you start reading and listening to people like Abraham Hicks, Neville Goddard, and Neil Donald Walsh, and Joe Dispenza. And so bringing it in, that is what I believe will be the change in birth, will be the lower C-sections, will be the removal of birth trauma. Because when I... started and I took the doula workshop back like 2011 and so I was like natural birth everybody gets it it's the best and I was all like on that and then like women didn't want it they wanted epidurals and I was like um I don't know what to do with this because it's not sort of how they train you in doula but I wasn't working as a doula I was working as a labor and delivery nurse so I was seeing the medical side of it all the time and so when um When it was like coming down to, I was getting close to the 20-year mark for the Air Force. I thought I was going to retire at 20. I didn't. But I was like, I have to, I got to do something else. Like the labor stuff is kind of just wearing me down. I'm not getting the joy seeing these, you know, it just felt everything's medical and I have no control over that. So that's why I went and got certified as personal trainer, corrective exercise, and thought I was going to go that way.

UNKNOWN: 1:29:22

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29:22

But when I got into the body work and the fascia work, I started to utilize it with my patients and I started seeing a difference. So then I was like, well, what if I could work on them prenatally? So I started working on prenatally and then I started learning more about body work, soft tissue body work. And it's like issues are in our tissues. People have emotions. And it was just like, oh, it's all unraveling. And and so like. I was like, I do want to stay in birth. So I got on social media and I felt like it was the same stuff being said. Advocate for yourself. You're the boss. And I was like, I heard this like 12 years ago. Why are we still here? We are. And it wasn't even 12 years ago. It was even before my time. So that's why I was like, I am going to do something different. And learning from Bob and his programs, I was like, This is how we make real change because the change has to come from within. It has to come from you. It has, you know, you meaning the nurse believing in birth, the doctor believing in birth, the mother believing in birth. And it comes with like your own programmed, you know, doctors are programmed in their medical school to believe believe a certain way unless they've had a different experience. So like, I don't know if you've seen Dr. Bill Chun. He's an obstetrician in Boston. He was born in Korea by a 16-year-old mother and she birthed at home. And then they came to the United States. He was in the Navy. He became a doctor. Now he won't practice with any other doctors because he's like, I don't believe in 39-week inductions. I don't believe, like... This is like what we should be doing. And so he took this like stance. And so he stands kind of by himself, unless there's like thinkers like him. But that's where it's like, you know, it was his experience that also like led him to not buy into these things These, you know, 39 week arrive trial, blah, blah, blah stuff. And so some people don't have that. And we're getting to a point now where it's been a generation. So that generation is on board with the inductions. Because it's like, you know, my son born in 95, he's 30, right? He doesn't have any kids, but he could. And so my experience, if, you know, if I did not learn what I learned, And kind of like you with your son and his wife, like when it comes to birth, you're gonna hear her paradigm around it, her program belief around it. And then you might be able to be a change agent for her to say, but it's understanding that it comes from her programming. So she's got to shift it. But if she's even a little bit interested, then she's going to kind of start, like, that's what I did too. Like, I was more interested. I really want to help mothers more than what I'm capable of, what they've taught me as a nurse. Took a doula workshop. Then after the doula workshop, I was like, I'm still ending up in C-section. So I took a spinning babies workshop. And then I started learning more about the body and the fascia and started doing fascia work. So I created my own dysfunctional labor maneuvers. But that's for professionals to do at the bedside when they don't have any other thing. And then I watched women go into triage and say, Oh, you're not labor, you're only one centimeter, but they're like, Oh, my God, I feel like I'm in labor, and they get sent home with nothing. So I developed the DLM app. Like, Everything, because I was so like, this has to get better. How can I make this better? What can I do that has not been done before? And that becomes like somebody who's even a little bit interested will start to be more interested. So it's like, you know, even most time you hear people's idea of birth is coming from fear. So...

SPEAKER_01: 1:33:49

And you're right. There was a woman in the birthing from within who was there because she left unempowered. She had a completely natural childbirth, but everything that she'd grown up was you have an epidural. It's very clean. There's no sounds.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:34:07

And she didn't make it to the hospital in time for that epidural, right? She missed the window. And again, she walked away depressed.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:34:15

Oh my God. That's like a, you know, A perfect birth to me, right? But it wasn't for her. And so you've got that programming. And I feel really lucky here in Kentucky. My daughter's good friend's mother, and this is like her longest childhood friend. She was an OB and family doctor physician. She's on Instagram as full circle holistic.

UNKNOWN: 1:34:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:34:40

Dr. Rebecca Cohen and all five of her babies were born at home and her husband's a neonatologist.

SPEAKER_00: 1:34:47

Yeah. So they're all grown. Those are the people that can like, and like Bill Chun, right? Those are the people that will say, no, that's not true.

SPEAKER_01: 1:34:55

Yeah. And she doesn't, now she only does home births actually. So she doesn't even practice in the traditional, uh, allopathic paradigm.

SPEAKER_00: 1:35:05

Yeah, yeah. And that those are it's rare, right? So the majority, it's not what they're seeing or hearing. And so when it and when it comes to somebody else choosing something different than what they did, it's the uncomfortable that they're sitting in that makes them either so like mean to the person that doesn't want the same birth that they want and um that it's it's something that um when i when i'm doing my coaching with my client it it's something that i really really press upon that it's not you that's what they that's their fear you're seeing their fear come out right so you don't have to If they want to talk, they're talking. You don't have to absorb it as yours because this is what they're clearly telling you. I'm scared for me. And I'm going to say I'm scared for you, but I'm really scared for me because I feel like that's dangerous. And so that's what they project on. So if you can understand how the mindset works, what subconscious mind drives our behavior, right? So we're, you know, if you really understand that and people are talking, you can really see where they're at in their life. So when somebody is speaking like that to you about making a stupid decision, you'll kill your baby. That's what they're afraid of for them.

SPEAKER_01: 1:36:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36:39

Yeah. See yourself surrounded by supportive people. I'm always surrounded by supportive people. Affirmation. Supportive people are always in my life. So you won't come across those negative people as much. Right. Even attract that nurse that totally can rock a natural birth with you. The doctor that doesn't care what you choose. Just call me when the baby's coming. You got those ones that are like, man, whatever. Just call me when they're ready. So you can attract all of that. And I don't feel like that's what we're teaching women to attract what you want. We're teaching them to defend what they want. And that's the wrong energy. That's the wrong vibration. It's low. It's angry. It is going to attract those people that you don't want around. So understanding your vibration within you is your feelings to say, everything's working out for me, no matter how it looks. Everything is always working out for me. And that's where, you know, you come up, you know, from if somebody's really kind of brought you down, you bring yourself up from that. And then you say, I'm surrounded by supportive, loving people. Everybody's supporting me. And then you start saying that. And then everybody starts coming around that's supportive of you. That's using manifestation with intention. And not enough people truly, truly understand how that works, right? So that's what I really wanna teach them so that they can use it in any aspect of their life. We're just gonna use it for their birth right now, but birth changes you. It either empowers you or it disempowers you. And then we have the generation of kids from disempowered mothers, and look where we're at. Everybody's got anxiety. Everybody's on pills that nobody wants to feel,

SPEAKER_01: 1:38:49

right?

SPEAKER_00: 1:38:50

Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 1:38:50

they're numbed out, distracted.

SPEAKER_00: 1:38:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:38:53

Yeah. I mean, my gosh. Yeah. The list goes on and on. So I know we could probably talk all day and I was right. But for time's sake, I know you have a birth plan party coming up. And, you know, maybe briefly define for those who aren't. aware of what a birth plan is, because it was totally new for me. Yeah, it's you could even create such a thing.

SPEAKER_00: 1:39:21

Yeah, the birth plan idea a long time ago was to tell the doctor what you wanted. And there's like you had a doctor that said, Yeah, I'm not a fan of them. So I like turning the birth plan into a communication tool that you, you you make these lists kind of like, this is what I want, then it's important to review it with your doctor before well before your birth. Because for one, if you review it with your doctor, and they're like a big poo poo head, you might say, I'm going to go somewhere else. Absolutely. Right. So that helps kind of create this awareness of is this doctor going to actually support you? I

SPEAKER_01: 1:40:09

also want to pause right there. When she told me that, right? And when you, I was 23. Yeah. For a moment, right? You've got a new mom, as you mentioned. I did not really think that there was a possibility of me switching. Right. And so I I also want women to know, like, if you don't like that person, please go looking.

SPEAKER_00: 1:40:30

Yes. And, and I was a dependent wife. So I thought I had to, this was at Tripler Army Medical Center. I thought I had to birth there. I didn't realize that I could go check my insurance and do TRICARE Select and go. So I, but I had, I just thought they would take care of me. I didn't think there was going to be an issue. I didn't even give them a plan. My plan was just to be like, show up when my water breaks. That's what I thought. So in the birth plan, there's also like, it's for, you know, it's for everybody. Like, if you're high risk, we're going to talk about some of those medical things that you're going to hear. And so you understand and give you time to research it. So you feel less afraid of it, because now you have more understanding. The birth plan party is also for mothers that are going to do an elective C-section, maybe because of whatever reason. Is it breech? Is it because of a prior T cut? Because if you have a classical, you can't be back. Things like that. So to say skin to skin in the OR, like I want them to know skin to skin in the OR is not cheek to cheek with baby wrapped in a blanket. They should be holding their baby in the OR and the baby should not leave. And why? Why that's important. It's not really just about them and breastfeeding or bonding. It's about what your baby goes through when they're taken away from you psychologically.

UNKNOWN: 1:42:04

Mm hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 1:42:04

And then women who do want natural, check your hospital. Do they have wireless monitors? Are they intermittent monitoring you and how do they do it? All of those little things that they just didn't realize were a thing. That's the railroading, right? Sure you can come have a natural birth, but we don't have wireless monitors. And oh, we don't even do intermittent monitoring. And you have to talk to your doctor about intermittent monitoring because half the time they want to say, well, it's 20 minutes on and 40 minutes off and that is not intermittent monitoring, right? So those are where you get railroaded when you get to the hospital. You think everything's lined up, but you actually don't realize like how they'll just slip out of it. Like you want the monitors on 20 minutes, 40 minutes off, like you might as well just keep them on. Right? Like, isn't this inconvenient? Isn't this such a, you know, so it's like, well, yeah, maybe. You know, so your plan quickly starts to unravel when you haven't learned. I've even encouraged women to go to the hospital they want to birth at, not on some stupid little tour, but go talk to the charge nurse and say, what do you have if I wanted intermittent monitoring? What does that look like? Who's comfortable with natural birth here? Are you guys comfortable? Yeah. Skin to skin in the OR, who do I talk to about making sure that happens? Because some have nursery nurses. The labor nurse might be circulating while the nursery nurse does the baby stuff. Who do I need to talk to and talk to that unit? They don't work together. Doctors do not know what nurses are doing in the room. Nursery nurses take over the baby and the labor and delivery nurse just sort of hands them off and does not really interfere between whether or not they're taking the baby away for the warmer or to the nursery. They just sort of stay in their lane because it can ruffle some feathers. So you have to know this about the way they work there. And then you either can plan accordingly or you can be like, it's not, It's not you, doc. It's where I have to do this birth and I'm not doing it here. So I'm going to go find someone else. It's not always the doctor you have to change. In one of the hospitals that I worked at, we had one tub and that tub was almost like in a closet. And the other, like there were no tubs. But if you went over to postpartum, I think because they did a rebuild, but the postpartum rooms had the tubs. I was like, this doesn't even make sense. But Mothers will hear things on social media. So they'll think that there's going to be a tub at the hospital.

SPEAKER_01: 1:44:56

And there's not. I mean, I was under the impression when I did. Yeah. Well, they have these things. Oh, but only if. You have to start. We support

SPEAKER_00: 1:45:04

that, but we don't have that. We support it, but we don't have that. Yeah. and delivery ward and you ask for the charge nurse and then you ask her your questions because she knows what's going on on that floor more, or I should say he, sorry, she or he knows what's going on on that floor more than the doctor. And that's where people don't understand that there's, these are separate. And just like if there's certain things you wanted that had to do with anesthesia, you got to talk to anesthesia. Like, these people are not communicating amongst each other. And your birth plan is almost the only piece of paper that communicates to everybody because they can read it. So it has to make sense. And it has to, like, you have to understand what these words mean and why. Maybe you're saying, I don't want Pitocin after delivery. I had one patient, that's what she asked. And I didn't think it was a big deal. But of course, all the other people at the nurse's station were like, oh, oh. And so I said, why don't you just ask her why she doesn't want it? And so I went and I asked her and she was like, I just, it was just a birth plan I downloaded. And I saw it and I just checked the box. She didn't know why. She didn't know why, why Pitocin is given postpartum, um, You know, whether it's routine or whether it's IV or IM or things, she knew nothing. And so that, you know, when you just download some random birth plan and you mark these boxes, then you're communicating to the people who are supposed to be helping you something. And so you should know what that something is.

SPEAKER_01: 1:47:20

So now when

SPEAKER_00: 1:47:22

is

SPEAKER_01: 1:47:22

this birth

SPEAKER_00: 1:47:22

plan party? July 26th. And it's going to be 9 a.m. Denver time, which is MST. Okay. And it's going to be for a couple hours.

SPEAKER_01: 1:47:34

Okay. And then is there a place that one can register for this?

SPEAKER_00: 1:47:37

Yeah. If you... let's see if even like Instagram or Tik TOK, it's in my link tree. So if you click the link tree, then the, the Calendly link to register is in there. So you can just sign up that way it's free, but I'll at least know how many people are coming. And, um, if, uh, they don't have like a birth plan template. I do have that. So I can always, if they message me or something, I can always send that to them too. So they've got one, but they can use their own and just ask me about it. And if there's anything they could add or should add, stuff like that, so that they really have, when they go in to discuss their birth plan, they're not like, well, I just downloaded off the internet and check that box. And because they're It's bad enough the doctor visits are like 45 seconds, right?

SPEAKER_01: 1:48:35

Right, oh yeah, they're quick.

SPEAKER_00: 1:48:37

You know, to go over it when you don't understand it, I think they just may not want to take that time with you. So then they'll be, you know, not exactly, not supportive, but just kind of dismissive about what you want.

SPEAKER_01: 1:48:55

Yeah, and remind me, your Mayor Mariah, For which one? For Instagram.

SPEAKER_00: 1:49:05

Instagram is Mariah, the birth coach and TikTok is the birth coach.

SPEAKER_01: 1:49:12

Okay. Mariah, the birth coach.

SPEAKER_00: 1:49:15

Yeah. And I both have links with the link tree. And they can

SPEAKER_01: 1:49:21

also, individuals can also find your, your, it was an eight week that you, your empowerment coaching page. Oh,

SPEAKER_00: 1:49:31

yeah, they can. Yeah, I do. My website, mariahadaifee.com has more information on the birth coaching. That one does not have a link to sign up for the birth plan party, though, because I just, you know, it was like, for me to change anything on that website, I have to call the developers. And yeah, I'm not doing that for a a birth plan party, but yeah, the birth coaching. Um, and then of course they can email coaching into results at Mariah Duffy.com. If they even just want to ask me something, um, available that way. And I am, uh, I am, I do have a Facebook page, but I don't use it too much. It's just called empowered birth and pregnancy.

SPEAKER_01: 1:50:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:50:23

And it's just not my, that's, that's, not my main platform. I, TikTok and Instagram are pretty much where I'm, where I stay at.

SPEAKER_01: 1:50:34

Okay. And all those links will be in the show notes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:50:38

Oh, thanks. Yeah. And, and again, even if they just went to my page and sent me a message, I would still, you know, I would still get it through DM or email or whatever that is. But, um, I would love for, uh, women to come to the birth plan party and just help them write a very educated plan for themselves to use as a communication tool to people they've never met.

SPEAKER_01: 1:51:05

Yeah, I mean, I think it's great. I know, like, as you mentioned, with just downloading a template, I definitely did that. And I definitely did not feel fully empowered in some of that decision making. I had an idea. I did hire the doula, which, you know, worked out to a degree.

SPEAKER_00: 1:51:22

Well, knowledge is power. That's the bottom line. Knowledge is real power. But

SPEAKER_01: 1:51:29

I still felt like I just wanted to avoid railroading. That's why I had a home birth. I was like,

SPEAKER_00: 1:51:35

forget

SPEAKER_01: 1:51:36

it. I'm not going to deal with any railroading.

SPEAKER_00: 1:51:38

Yeah, because you either have to become the expert. And then even if you try to become the expert, the expert is just going to throw how many degrees they have at you.

SPEAKER_01: 1:51:48

Yeah, all those

SPEAKER_00: 1:51:48

grades. So it is like... The knowledge will be, I can do this however I want and know that inside. Like you must have had that to say, oh no, home birth this time, right? You gain knowledge and your power was your choice. You're like, I'm choosing this way. And that's really why people care so much about what other people do. I will never understand.

SPEAKER_01: 1:52:20

Yeah, my mom was worried up until the day, that day we saw the midwife. I do have my clients there and it's dirty in her house. And the midwife was like, look, I can promise you the environment where your daughter has been living while she is pregnant with your granddaughter is far healthier for a sterile environment in the hospital. Just relax. Yeah. And

SPEAKER_00: 1:52:45

my clients, that is very common, the mother being worried. And like coming one client, her mother-in-law coming from a country that has a 90% C-section rate. You know, there's things that are happening when women are at home that are messing with their mind. That's why it's like every week we got to meet. Because I know that they're tearing you down. But we're going to spoon that clear water each time and you're going to get stronger and stronger and stronger and more set in your decision. It will come from within. And I call it the impenetrable mindset. Doesn't matter what's coming at you. It's like, what was that old, was that the old trend where it's like ting ting and the words are like flying off the page. It'll become like that. But you can't just meet like three times in the pregnancy to think there's gonna be a real shift. We have to do this. And I did offer it as like self study as well, but you still have to watch the videos. Every day, twice a day, maybe even more. You have to do the homework. You have to be accountable to yourself if you want real paradigm shifting to happen so that this like where people are kind of playing at your fear, that fear is no longer there. So they can't play on you anymore. And that is what I think is missing today. in helping women have empowered births. It's a depth though. And I had to go through a lot of learning, a lot of my own coaching, a lot of my own shadow work, a lot of my own training to get to this level. So, you know, the climb was long. The climb was a good, I think 10 years, 10, 11 years to get to like, where I'm at through like learn this, then I learn this, then I learn this, then I learn this, then I learn this. And it was like, it just unfolded. I felt like in the way that I needed it to become this type of empowerment coach. So there's, my style is very different, very, very different, but it's very powerful.

SPEAKER_01: 1:55:20

Well, I love what you're doing and I'm so glad that you took your Saturday to spend some time with me here over the internet.

SPEAKER_00: 1:55:30

Give me a chance to talk about it. I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01: 1:55:34

Thank you so much, Mariah, for joining

SPEAKER_00: 1:55:36

me. Thank you for asking me, though. I was so happy. I was like, yes, of course.

SPEAKER_01: 1:55:42

I love your messages and the information that you're getting out there. I think your approach is exactly what we need to maybe see a shift in the collective birth Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:55:55

Yeah. It is a collective for sure. Can't do it alone.

SPEAKER_01: 1:56:00

No,

SPEAKER_00: 1:56:00

no, no.

SPEAKER_01: 1:56:01

Well, I appreciate you joining me. Thank you so much for being here. And then I will keep seeing you on. Thank

SPEAKER_00: 1:56:11

you.

SPEAKER_01: 1:56:11

Okay. Thanks. Okay. Bye.